Many people put their personal information online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that many people share their personal
information
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online for daily activities
such
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as social networking and banking.
This
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trend has grown rapidly
due to
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advances in digital technology. In
this
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essay, an attempt will be made to examine whether
this
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is a positive or negative development. On the one hand, there are some benefits associated with sharing personal
information
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online. One of the most apparent positive aspects is that it allows convenient and efficient access to services. To illustrate, individuals can communicate with others, manage finances, and complete transactions quickly through online platforms.
For instance
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, online banking enables users to transfer money and pay bills without visiting physical branches.
In addition
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, social media platforms help people stay connected with friends and family regardless of distance.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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significant drawbacks related to
this
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trend that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is the risk to privacy and security. To clarify, personal data can be misused by hackers or organisations, leading to identity theft or financial loss.
For example
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, cybercriminals may access sensitive
information
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and use it for fraudulent activities.
Furthermore
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, excessive sharing of personal details may expose individuals to unwanted attention or social risks, which can negatively affect their safety and well-being. To recapitulate, it is evident that sharing personal
information
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online offers convenience and connectivity,
while
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the main drawbacks include serious privacy and security risks. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
this
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is largely a negative development, as the potential dangers often outweigh the benefits.

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task response
Say your opinion more early in the intro, not only at the end.
task response
Add one more clear reason for why it is mostly negative.
task response
Use more direct examples, not only general ones.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with a clearer line, so each body part clearly leads to your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Some topic lines are a bit repeated. Try to make each paragraph have one strong main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a natural way, and do not overuse set phrases.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave a clear final opinion.
task response
Your ideas are easy to understand and mostly stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, so the essay is easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • cybercrimes
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • enhanced social connectivity
  • dependence on technology
  • customised services
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • social networks
  • personal information
  • online platforms
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