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Writing Samples
Band 5

the line graph below shows how much people in four countries spent on purchasing books from 1995 to 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the line graph below shows how much people in four countries spent on purchasing books from 1995 to 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#line #people #four #countries #books #information #features #comparisons
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Contained in the line graph is information pertaining
the
Change preposition
to the
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 number of people who take money (
million
Use synonyms
) to buy
books
Use synonyms
 during 10 years that started in 1995 and finished in 2005. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Germans bought
books
Use synonyms
 the most, and next is France and Italy which went up and down several times.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a significant change when Australia reached the third position
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period from the lowest rate. Looking at the graph in
further
Linking Words
 detail, book sales figures in Australia which reached the highest point over the period
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 rose gradually from 80
million
Use synonyms
 (in1995) to 90
million
Use synonyms
 (in1999),
then
Linking Words
, declined slightly and had an increase in 2005 until about 95
million
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the money that Australians spent on buying
books
Use synonyms
 had a significant change when it was the lowest point in 1995 and reached the third in 2005. Moving onto the remaining statistic, there were some slight shifts in France and Italy regarding the amount of money that customers take to purchase their
books
Use synonyms
. What is more, France held the second during 10 years,
whereas
Linking Words
, Italy fell to the lowest rate
at the end
Linking Words
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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