IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offences
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Given the increasing rates of deaths caused by
traffic
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 accidents, many
people
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 believe that only by implementing stricter
traffic
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 laws can the
safety
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 of our
roads
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 be improved.
However
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, in
this
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 essay, I will challenge
this
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 school of thought. Granted, stricter
punishments
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 for
traffic
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 violations may improve
road
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safety
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 to a certain extent.
For example
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, those found running the red lights, driving recklessly or speeding would have to pay hefty fines: and those found driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs would have their driving license suspended or even be sentenced to jail. These punitive measures may deter
road
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 users from committing
traffic
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 offences, leading to fewer accidents.
However
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,
this
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 only works if
people
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 are made aware of these changes
This
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 requires a more fundamental approach, which is to make
people
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 apprised/ cognizant of
traffic
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 laws in the first place
This
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 can be done by making driving tests harder both written and drive tests must be more difficult so that only those knowing how to drive safely are allowed on the
roads
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.
People
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 should
also
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 be required to retake driving tests once every two years to reinforce their understanding of
traffic
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 laws and learn about the new regulations in effect. These steps would even render imposing harsher
punishments
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 unnecessary, given how severe most
punishments
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 for
traffic
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 offences already are.
Furthermore
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, to say that more stringent
punishments
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 are key to enhancing
road
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safety
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 is to ignore environmental factors causing
traffic
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 accidents. Evidence indicates that an overwhelming number of tragic deaths are caused by subpar
roads
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, blind spots or insufficient numbers of
road
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 signs.
Therefore
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,
road
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safety
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 can certainly be improved by repairing potholes or widening narrow
roads
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, removing objects or overgrown plants that hinder drivers’ sight, and setting up more
road
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 signs. In conclusion, enforcing stricter
punishments
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 for driving offences may work to a certain degree but is by no means the only way to improve the
safety
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 of
road
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 users. Other equally important measures include forcing
people
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 to undergo more training and demonstrate sufficient understanding of accepted behaviours on the
roads
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 before they are allowed to drive and improving
road
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 conditions.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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task achievement
Your task response is excellent as you have completely addressed the prompt and provided a comprehensive analysis of the statement, presenting both sides thoughtfully. To further strengthen the task response, you may include additional examples or statistics to bolster your arguments even more solidly.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you have done a stellar job. Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an effective introduction and conclusion. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, enhancing the flow of your arguments. To enhance cohesion, ensure consistent phrasing and avoid minor grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a solid logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have provided well-supported main points and included relevant specific examples, showcasing a comprehensive understanding and response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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