In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, more and more citizens tend to focus on individualism by only concentrating on their personal growth and passions, leaving behind collective interests. From my point of view,

this

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phenomenon has both benefits and drawbacks;

however

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, I am strongly convinced that it is more disadvantageous. It is obvious that fostering personal development has a positive impact on several areas.

Firstly

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, people can pursue their desires and achieve success in their chosen fields. Teenagers are a good example of

this

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issue. During their university admission process, they will perform a higher level of effort;

hence

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, they enhance their ability and personal satisfaction.

Furthermore

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, when humans have apparent goals, they are more responsible for their decisions. Especially, if their lives are chaotic,

instead

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of being in panic situations, they are able to focus again on their desires.

As a result

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, they may become better versions.

On the other hand

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, there are various negative effects of

this

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matter. Individualism creates an imbalance between individuals and societies.

Therefore

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, it lacks cooperation and support from others.

Moreover

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, concentrating excessively on personal aims can contribute to inequality and social division. Especially, inefficient allocation of the human source is the worst consequence of

this

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problem.

In addition

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, the unemployment rate could be increased because of the large number of prestigious people around the world. It can

also

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lead to disconnection among people and break lots of important bonds. In conclusion,

while

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individualism and prioritizing personal passions can have some positive effects

such

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as personal growth and offering innovation, the drawbacks outweigh.

Therefore

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, it is indispensable to maintain a balance between own aims and collective interests as a whole.

Sat May 25 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the prompt quite well, establishing a clear position on the topic. However, try to enrich your essay with more specific examples and real-life scenarios to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

While your ideas are logically structured, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Work on using a variety of cohesive devices to improve flow.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are supported, but there is room for more detailed explanations and additional evidence. Balancing your arguments with richer content can help provide a more comprehensive discussion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.

task achievement

You have successfully presented a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of individualism.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
innovation
autonomy
align with
excessive
social isolation
community bonds
solely
social classes
entrepreneurship
economic development
empathy
societal cohesion
collective well-being
vulnerable

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In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Some people think it is important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

Some people think that it would be better for companies to take care of their employees’ health. Others believe that companies should spend money on other aspects of work, such as salary increases, bonuses, and extra time off. Discuss both views and give your opinion.