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Band 6

The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

#development #games #phones #computers #tv #consoles #people #world
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Nowadays, various gaming platforms have been significantly developed.
According to
this
 trend, spending time on electronic
games
 become tremendously popular everywhere. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on the merits and drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon. There are several advantages that are worth considering.
To begin
 with,
people
 can release the stresses that are derived from their daily routines including working, studying and attending classes by playing
games
.
Hence
, they can feel more energetic and even feel achievement when they accomplish some tasks in the game.
In addition
 to
this
, as playing
games
 is popular all over the world,
people
 can enjoy
games
 with a myriad of
people
 who are from other countries.
Thus
, it helps them to make friends and to gain social
skills
. On top of that, to have a conversation with foreign friends,
people
 will consider learning a second language, which affects them in a positive way. In spite of the merits described above,
however
, it can lead to adverse detrimental consequences. First of all,
people
 can waste too much time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
 as they can carry their gaming tools everywhere.
This
 can induce them to get addicted to playing
games
.
Thus
,
this
 issue
make
Verb problem
has
show examples
 negative impacts on their daily lives
as well as
 work and school lives, preventing
people
 from being productive.
Secondly
, it can be harmful, especially for children. They should go through several crucial activities with their friends or parents to grow cognitive development and foam the creating
skills
.
However
, spending most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 on
games
 can make them miss the period and opportunities for it.
Furthermore
,
this
 will influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children's lives regarding communication and social
skills
 in the long run. In conclusion,
whereas
,
this
 trend could make
people
 to be lively and develop communication
skills
, it can hinder
people
 from being productive and getting the younger generation developed.
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task achievement
To improve your Task Response, include more specific examples to support your points. Providing well-rounded arguments with concrete examples will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your logical structure to further enhance the flow and clarity of your essay. Ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly will give your writing more coherence and a smoother narrative.
task achievement
You have correctly identified and addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of electronic games, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to a well-organized structure.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional phrases helps in maintaining a good flow between the points discussed in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive functions
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • multitasking
  • addiction
  • attention span
  • online multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • social isolation
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • financial strain
  • stress relief
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sedentary lifestyle
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