IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A museum near your home is looking for people to do part-time voluntary/unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntary/unpaid work at the museum. Write a letter to the museum director to apply for the voluntary/unpaid work. In your letter - explain why you want to do volunary/unpaid work at the museum - describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful - give details of when you would be available for work

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Dear Sir, I am writing to express that I really want to get
this
Linking Words
 job in museum. I am
an
Change the article
a
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 university sophomore student. I want to use
out of class
Add a hyphen
out-of-class
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 time to gain some social experiences. The main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 is that my major is art appreciation, and I can get
early
Add an article
an early
the early
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 touch to
work
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
on
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arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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. At the same time, I learned that
this
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 is not
a full-time
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full-time work
a full-time job
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work
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, so I think
this
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 job is extremely suitable
me
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for me
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. As
sometime
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sometimes
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 I need to take lessons at school.
Moreover
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, my major is greatly suitable for
this
Linking Words
work
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, because I hold more professional
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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. Meanwhile, I always keep energy and passion for my job.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, If you trust me and
hive
Correct your spelling
give
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 me
this
Linking Words
 part-time voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, I will do my best to complete the task you have
give
Wrong verb form
given
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 me. At the same moment, my home is very close to the museum, if there are any problems here, I can often come to support you.
Finally
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, I am looking forward to
you
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your
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 thinking, and if you have any
further
Linking Words
 information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Correct the word
Yours
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Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
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 faithfully, Xiyue Tang

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Using transitional phrases can help maintain the continuity of ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and the use of articles. For instance, 'get early touch to work about arts' can be better phrased as 'gain early experience working with art.'
task achievement
Include specific examples of your skills and experiences. For example, mention any previous volunteer work or specific artistic skills relevant to a museum environment.
task achievement
Your motivation for wanting to volunteer at the museum is clearly explained, particularly your desire to gain social experience and the relevance to your major.
task achievement
You have mentioned your availability and location, which are important details for the director to consider.
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