IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #society #consumer #goods
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Nowadays every person needs clean products for consumers in the modern world and it is an important thing for life. In a society where
consumer
goods
 are cheaper to buy will be an increase in consumers in the future. I strongly agree that it will have positive than negative consequences that will be discussed in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with,
people
 should have to buy some
consumer
goods
 that can decrease some diseases;
whereas
,
people
 with low income cannot afford them if they are expensive.
Furthermore
,
consumer
goods
such
 as plates, forks, spoons etc. are important things that are used in consumption.
For example
, my mom went to the supermarket to buy some
consumer
 because my brother broke it
while
 eating.
In addition
, In a society where
consumer
goods
 are affordable, all of the citizens could go through to buy some of it.
Moreover
,
people
 who have low income could access more
consumer
goods
 and
people
 could have greater health than in the past to improve their quality of life.
For instance
, the workers of the industrial plants received daily wages after finishing work
then
 they got hungry and had less energy, so they could easily access
consumer
goods
 in a day.
To sum up
,
consumer
goods
 that are affordable could upgrade society to have better health and be easy to access for every single person.
Finally
, the paragraph that I illustrate shows that it has more advantages than negatives.
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more explicit and focused thesis statement. Currently, it lacks a clear positioning and makes the argument somewhat vague.
task achievement
Ensure the examples you provide align clearly with the points you are trying to make. Specific and relevant examples improve the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a single clear main idea and that this idea is developed fully and logically. For instance, the second paragraph starts with health benefits but ends with a personal anecdote that doesn’t fully connect.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points briefly and restate the thesis to leave a powerful final impression.
task achievement
You have a strong understanding of the topic and have provided relevant points for discussion—this is a good foundation to build on.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion which wraps up your essay neatly.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordability
  • quality of life
  • overconsumption
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable practices
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • decline in quality
  • frequent replacements
  • standard of living
  • mass production
  • cheap labor
  • working conditions
  • exploitation
  • innovation
  • cost-effective
  • competitive
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