IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
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In contemporary society,
advertisements
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 are everywhere. They are shown in TV programs, on social media, on the streets and in mansions. It has become a crucial part of modern metropolises. Most
time
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, advertising has been seen as successful at persuading
people
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 to consume.
However
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, some argue that since
advertisements
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 have become so universal, it has lost its appeal. From my perspective, whether it is still worth a look or not depends on the commercial. It is quite indisputable that most peoples’ consumption habits, especially those from small places, are still being influenced by
advertisements
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. As advertising becomes closely related to big data, the pusher can enter the backend to check on peoples’ preferences.
According to
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 the information, pushers will push the exact products
people
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 want to them, making the product more appealing to
people
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.
In addition
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, useful
advertisements
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 could
also
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 help
people
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 save
time
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 and money, they could find the cheapest and highest-quality products in just a short
time
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, which could be especially beneficial and tempting to those who have less
time
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 but are in urgent need.
Nevertheless
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, advertising can
also
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 be unattractive since it is sometimes annoying. Advertising becomes a disturbance when
people
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 browse YouTube or other social media, unnecessary
advertisements
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 often pop up. To continue surfing the web,
people
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 have to wait for the commercial to end. The patience it costs will significantly reduce its appeal, and over
time
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, it will lose
people
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’s attention.
To conclude
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, advertising is still a great way to persuade consumers to buy products, despite the annoyance it brings to
people
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 sometimes.
Submitted by 18310971390 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both views effectively. To further improve, you could provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure throughout the essay, with your ideas being clearly linked from one paragraph to the next. To make it even better, you could add more linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, some details feel a bit general. Try to include more precise examples or scenarios to back up your statements.
coherence cohesion
Try to expand on the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments from both sides before presenting your final opinion. This will help reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is strong and sets a clear context for the discussion. It effectively outlines the two perspectives and your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical flow of ideas, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have presented both perspectives fairly and offered a balanced view in your conclusion.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate and shows a good range of vocabulary and structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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