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Writing Samples
Band 7

OPINION ESSAY In order to have a successful organization, managers should consider more than salary or wages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#organization #managers #salary #wages
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It is often argued that for organizations to thrive,
managers
 must consider factors beyond mere salary and wages. I fully agree with
this
 viewpoint. One of the most crucial factors is employee recognition. Acknowledging
employees
' efforts, regardless of how small, can significantly enhance their morale and motivation.
For instance
, when
managers
 regularly express appreciation for hard
work
 and achievements, it fosters a culture of respect and gratitude.
This
 recognition not only boosts individual confidence but
also
 cultivates a positive workplace atmosphere, which can lead to increased productivity and commitment.
Moreover
, the
work
environment
 itself plays a pivotal role in employee performance. Effective
managers
 create an atmosphere that encourages open communication and collaboration. When
employees
 feel safe and supported, they are more likely to share innovative ideas and take calculated risks.
This
 sense of psychological safety contributes to
overall
 well-being, allowing
employees
 to perform at their best
while
 strengthening team dynamics. A harmonious
work
environment
,
therefore
, is essential for fostering creativity and teamwork.
While
 some may argue that high sales figures and financial incentives are the primary motivators for
employees
, I contend that
this
 approach can be detrimental in the long run. A focus solely on sales can engender a competitive and stressful
environment
, where individual achievements overshadow teamwork and collaboration.
Such
 an atmosphere may yield short-term results but can lead to burnout and decreased morale among
employees
, ultimately harming the organization’s culture and productivity. In conclusion, for an organization to succeed,
managers
 must look beyond salary and wages. By prioritizing employee recognition, fostering a supportive
work
environment
, and promoting collaboration, they can create a more engaged and motivated workforce.
This
 holistic approach not only benefits the
employees
 but
also
 drives the organization toward long-term success.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
Consider including more diverse examples or evidence to further substantiate your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and presents well-developed arguments supporting the viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, effectively framing the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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