Some people that competative sports shuld be included as a subject in school. while others believe that it has negative effect on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some

individuals

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contend that competitive

sports

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should be incorporated into the school curriculum.

However

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, others hold an opposing viewpoint. These detractors argue that teaching competitive

sports

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as a subject has detrimental effects on children. In

this

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essay, I will analyze and compare both viewpoints using specific examples. Proponents of

this

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notion contend that competition is an inherent aspect of life and that engaging in physical education activities can assist children in developing crucial skills

such

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as patience, endurance, and teamwork.

For instance

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individuals

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who have never participated in

sports

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club activities tend to have weaker potential in these areas compared to those who have. In reality, numerous companies prefer

individuals

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with prior

sports

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club experience when hiring new employees.

Consequently

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, it is essential to nurture these skills in young adults before they enter the workforce.

On the other hand

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, there are negative aspects to forcing children to participate in competitive

sports

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For example

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, there are some students who have gentle and vulnerable hearts and detest the idea of competing with others. Participating in competitive

sports

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can cause them to feel stressed and even depressed.

Moreover

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, it can

also

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mean denying their perspectives and forcing them to engage in activities that they dislike. In conclusion, I believe that it is important for all students to have a variety of experiences, especially those that involve physical activity.

While

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being gentle may seem appealing, it can

also

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lead to failure as a group in competitive

sports

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, which is similar to real life. The imperfect nature of our world necessitates the need for

individuals

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to prepare for challenges prior to entering adulthood.

kana_ayakiSun May 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay is well-structured and presents both viewpoints clearly; however, try to balance the argument a bit more evenly. The examples and arguments for the positive aspects of competitive sports are slightly more developed than those for the negative aspects.

task achievement

Consider providing a more detailed analysis of how the negative aspects of competitive sports could manifest in different educational settings or among diverse student groups. This will enhance the specificity of your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the connections between ideas are seamless by using a variety of cohesive devices. For example, you can use phrases like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to make the contrast between arguments even clearer.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the topic clearly and indicating that you will discuss both viewpoints. This is excellent for guiding the reader.

introduction conclusion

The conclusion effectively encapsulates your viewpoint, bringing the discussion full circle and reinforcing your argument.

logical structure

The essay is logically structured with clear beginning, middle, and end sections, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thinking.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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