Some people that competative sports shuld be included as a subject in school. while others believe that it has negative effect on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
individuals
contend that competitive sports
should be incorporated into the school curriculum. However
, others hold an opposing viewpoint. These detractors argue that teaching competitive sports
as a subject has detrimental effects on children. In this
essay, I will analyze and compare both viewpoints using specific examples.
Proponents of this
notion contend that competition is an inherent aspect of life and that engaging in physical education activities can assist children in developing crucial skills such
as patience, endurance, and teamwork. For instance
, individuals
who have never participated in sports
club activities tend to have weaker potential in these areas compared to those who have. In reality, numerous companies prefer individuals
with prior sports
club experience when hiring new employees. Consequently
, it is essential to nurture these skills in young adults before they enter the workforce.
On the other hand
, there are negative aspects to forcing children to participate in competitive sports
. For example
, there are some students who have gentle and vulnerable hearts and detest the idea of competing with others. Participating in competitive sports
can cause them to feel stressed and even depressed. Moreover
, it can also
mean denying their perspectives and forcing them to engage in activities that they dislike.
In conclusion, I believe that it is important for all students to have a variety of experiences, especially those that involve physical activity. While
being gentle may seem appealing, it can also
lead to failure as a group in competitive sports
, which is similar to real life. The imperfect nature of our world necessitates the need for individuals
to prepare for challenges prior to entering adulthood.Submitted by kana_ayaki on
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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and presents both viewpoints clearly; however, try to balance the argument a bit more evenly. The examples and arguments for the positive aspects of competitive sports are slightly more developed than those for the negative aspects.
task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed analysis of how the negative aspects of competitive sports could manifest in different educational settings or among diverse student groups. This will enhance the specificity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the connections between ideas are seamless by using a variety of cohesive devices. For example, you can use phrases like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to make the contrast between arguments even clearer.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by stating the topic clearly and indicating that you will discuss both viewpoints. This is excellent for guiding the reader.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively encapsulates your viewpoint, bringing the discussion full circle and reinforcing your argument.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with clear beginning, middle, and end sections, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thinking.
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