IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some believe that people will purchase a product based on their needs and advertising is not needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Beka

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A number of individuals believe that advertising will be not necessary , as they will buy goods based on their necessity. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because many people don’t know about the product if they don’t see it and high-quality items cannot be known without good advertisements. First and foremost, many people are aware of new products only by an advertisement. If they don’t see it , they will not know about the existence of those goods ,
thereafter
Linking Words
 they can’t purchase it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people get interested in products by seeing a broadcast.
For example
Linking Words
, the brand named QREP, which is the most well-known clothing brand in Kazakhstan , invests 500.000 dollars in commercialising every year.
This
Linking Words
 has made it the most popular in the country.
In addition
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, the great majority of humans have a tendency to buy old and checked-by-time items without knowing about new premium brands. Their lives will improve to a better side if they purchase the best-in-class supplies. The only method to do
this
Linking Words
 is the help of ads.
For instance
Linking Words
, a company named YummyLab , which is beneficial for both health and training, used to be unpopular among residents of Central Asia because of a lack of promotion. Now, it is gaining popularity and surpassing opponent low-in-quality brands after investing the budget to be recognised by Asian inhabitants. In conclusion, I strongly support promoting supplies as consumers acknowledge new items only with the help of broadcasting by ads and high-rate things can be known after publicising them.

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Task Achievement
Consider improving the clarity and depth of your ideas to enhance the overall quality of your arguments. Providing more nuanced viewpoints or addressing counterarguments could strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to refine your transition phrases between paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and sentence structure, as this will enhance the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have clearly stated your position on the topic, which is an important aspect of writing an argumentative essay.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples from real companies adds credibility to your argument, making it more relatable to the reader.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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