Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while other think that good working atmosphere is more important, Discuss both views and state your opinion.
In the contemporary era, the demands and expectations placed upon individuals and societies have escalated , driven by rapid technological advancement and global interconnectedness . There is a contradiction over the society whilst some are claiming that , a job
is aways depends
on the wage, others contend the notion that, it should Change the verb form
aways depends
decided
Change the verb form
be decided
decide
according to
the workplace environment. Both the above opinions and my stance in favour of the former view, along with
the relevant justifications will be discussed in the following paragraphs .
In accordance with the rise in globalization, the values of all goods have increased, hence
the per percapita
expenditure borne by the people Correct your spelling
per capita
also
surged accordingly
. Firstly
, this
has made a person, find a profession with a higher salary. In other words, the ultimate motivation of an employee is to earn more money, which he aims to develop by acquisition
of plenty of educational and other qualifications Add an article
the acquisition
as well as
skills throughout their working years. For instance
, a better illustration of this
can be seen by
the changing of the company by some people, in regards to the offers gained by them. It is proved thatChange preposition
in
,
the companies which offer more pay have the greatest attraction of the workers regardless of other factors.
Remove the comma
apply
In contrast
, the surroundings that wrap around the workers have a substantial importance behind the decision of selecting an organization to deal with for an employee. Particularly, external stimulants like, the facilities provided, the targets delegated to be accomplished and similarly
,the fellow delegates who are appointed in the team have a remarkable influence for a job in except to the stipends. For example
, researchers have attested an alarming rate of progress in the number of resignations, due to
work stress and depression caused by the unfavourable determinants of the work area.
In addition
in my point of sense, because of societal factors, money has become a gigantic feature in our lives. Therefore
, in the means of performing the familiar responsibilities and also
lead a comfortable lifestyle, wage earners have to seek a high level of income neglecting other difficulties by adapting and coping with those barriers.
In conclusion, although
the desire for a
earning method is differentiated based on the outside conditions, the major component will be the financial outcome received by it, Change the article
an
that
affects our decision on the selection of an occupation.Correct pronoun usage
which
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coherence cohesion
Try to make your essay more logically structured. Your argumentation feels scattered at times, resulting in a lack of a clear, coherent flow of ideas.
task achievement
Improve the support for your main points with more specific and relevant examples. The existing examples help, but they can be more closely tied to your key arguments.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing some of your sentences to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Simplifying complex sentence structures could help with clarity.
task achievement
You have made a complete response to the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and states your stance, which is very good for setting up your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a conclusive statement that restates your argument, which is important for summarizing your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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