IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some pp believe that public buildings should be moved out ò the city to promote citizen's well being and better economic growing, while some argue that the planning will cause more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There was a plan that public buildings should be moved out of the
city
Use synonyms
. It can lead to two main benefits including both providing citizen's health and supporting more for economic growth.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that planning will cause more harm than good, I stand in the opposite mind. From my point of view, that plan has more advantages than disadvantages. To see more props of moving public-sector buildings of society, I will show you the harm of not moving public buildings to the suburbs. When a developed
city
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 will attempt a significant workforce. Leading to the excessive load of population density pressure.
Although
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 a
city
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 contains high inhabitants, a limited land area is more likely to cause
traffic
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 jams. And you know that transport is the lifeblood of the economy.
According to
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 an examination from JICA (Japan International
Cooporation
Correct your spelling
Cooperation
Corporation
 Agency), Manila's
traffic
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 jams cost 57 million dollars per day, and some 80 to 95
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of air pollution in Metro Manila comes from vehicles. Through that, we see the serious consequences of not developing urban areas in a sustainable manner. I don't deny that expanding a
city
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 by moving public towers to the outskirts is
also
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 better in reducing
traffic
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 jams. But it
also
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 means the distance and time you spend commuting from home to work office increases. It takes time to travel and doesn't save much material compared to being stuck in
traffic
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 in the inner
city
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. By the way, riding under the weather is something sixty - forty. Sixty is suddenly raining or hot temperature and forty is nice weather. So, if we put the office towers far from the inner
city
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, it will affect productivity. And yes, it may result in low economic development. Every coin has two sides. There nothing comes without props or cons. But as for
this
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 plan with the ultimate goal of rectifying the problems in question, I choose a sustainable way with targeted steps
as well as
Linking Words
 careful calculations. I know economic growth is important to make our lives better but the environment and our health are unlimited it is something money cannot buy, and we easily forget to protect it. So, remember to maintain health
while
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 making money, and protect the environment
while
Linking Words
 developing the economy!

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task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is fully developed. In several sections, the argument can be more clearly articulated, and additional details or explanations could improve clarity and depth.
task achievement
Avoid stating personal stances in the introduction. Instead, structure your essay to present both sides of the argument thoroughly before concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Although you use connectors (like 'By the way', 'So', etc.), strive for more formal and academic transition phrases to improve cohesion. Examples include 'Moreover', 'In addition', etc.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a general structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and details, such as the JICA study on Manila's traffic, which helps to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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