IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Technology
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
improved recently and it is better than
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
gone
Correct word choice
past
show examples
 days.
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it has
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
ffect
Correct your spelling
effect
affect
effects
 on
people
Use synonyms
's lives because , almost most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 on a daily basis. It is my notion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has important advantages for
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground that they have communication with different organizations in society and they must do their work by computer and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 equipment to illustrate ,
phone
Use synonyms
 and tablet.
furthermore
Linking Words
 , nowadays children can learn their courses on
Use synonyms
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 sometimes. to mention some , in corona
epidemy
Correct your spelling
epidemic
show examples
 all of
Add an article
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 closed and all of
Correct article usage
the childen
show examples
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 continued their education online by
thir
Correct your spelling
their
phone
Use synonyms
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are many
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 on
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
due to
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 can choose the best brand from reliable sites without any difficulties.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 ,
on the contrary
Linking Words
 , there are some problems
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illustration ,
addicting
Replace the word
addiction
show examples
 to the
phone
Use synonyms
. since it can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's eyes if they
use
Use synonyms
 that for a long
time
Use synonyms
.to explain that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 should
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for essential needs.
As well as
Linking Words
 , parents can not manage
time
Use synonyms
 for using
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 for their children often.
Hence
Linking Words
 ,
chidfren
Correct your spelling
children
use
Use synonyms
 that from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
. in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 has
Add an article
an affect
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
's lives because of modern life.
accordingly
Linking Words
 , I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 issue. almost , all of us need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life. in conclusion ,
technology
Use synonyms
 has
direct
Add an article
a direct
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
's lives in recent decades. it has
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 clearly. since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it can do everything that
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
 need to that.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on one main idea. Use more transitions to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Work on your task response by providing more specific examples and elaborate on your points. Your response should comprehensively address different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully, ensuring that each main point is supported by adequate reasons and examples. Clarify your argument by avoiding repetitive statements and focusing on clear, detailed points.
relevant specific examples
You have identified some relevant advancements in technology and their impact on people’s lives, such as communication tools and online learning.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • innovations
  • breakthroughs
  • automation
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • mobile technologies
  • diagnostic tools
  • renewable energy
  • efficiency
  • economic growth
  • knowledge sharing
  • global scale
  • cleaner alternatives
  • job displacement
  • update skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: