The crime rate amoung teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Why is this happening and what can be done to reduce it?

#crime #rate #amoung #teenagers #countries

There has been a great increase in

crime

Correct article usage

the crime

show examples

rate caused by

teenagers

in many parts of the world.

Therefore

, there are a lot of sources and solutions for

this

. Obviously, there are several causes for these crimes;

however

, there are

also

the leading ones.

First,

crimes could happen among youngsters like

teenagers

because of the pressure caused in their daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Pressure from

parents

such

as not understanding their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

, spilling in them their aggression, rudeness, and sometimes beating, which is

also

crime

Add an article

a crime

show examples

for

parents

Moreover

, in

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

situations, illegal actions could be done by

teenagers

from

Change preposition

because of

show examples

the imitativeness of their own

parents

. Children are usually just not surrounded

with

Change preposition

show examples

normal

people

. Many

people

would link it to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

genetics as well, but it has nothing to do with that, only the fault of caregivers is not being able to raise the child.

Lastly

, the reason why

teenagers

are odd to commit crimes is the fact that there is

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

resource

Fix the agreement mistake

resources

show examples

in their family budget. The father or mother could refuse to work or provide their teenager with needed

supply

Fix the agreement mistake

supplies

show examples

, causing them to break the law. Thankfully, nowadays, there are

also

solutions for

this

issue. There are several steps how to forward younger ones to the right path. The first thing that could be done is to isolate them from their own

parents

into a kind of school where they could be educated and would be taught anything apart from going against the rules.

Furthermore

, there are already prisons for young, aged

people

;

however

, they could increase in quantity and increase

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strictness, so children would be concerned about the consequences.

To sum up

, there is

considerable

Change the article

a considerable

the considerable

show examples

number of bases where the actions come from, with what now

people

have developed some solutions.

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task achievement

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in exploring reasons and solutions. Consider elaborating on each point with more specific examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas within the paragraphs are logically connected. Transitions between paragraphs could also be smoother.

task achievement

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a complete response.

task achievement

The writer attempts to provide reasons and solutions, showing an understanding of the task's requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Dramatically
Parental supervision
Peer pressure
Economic inequality
Desensitize
Aggressive behavior
Disenfranchisement
Substance abuse
Gang culture

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The crime rate amoung teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Why is this happening and what can be done to reduce it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal informations such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. discuss both views and include your opinion.

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

You are moving out of your rental apartment. Write a letter to your neighbour to say goodbye. In your letter say 1. when and where do you move? 2. why do you move out? 3. how do you feel about it?

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.