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Band 5

In many countries there is a lot of rubbish because more and more people buy things. What are causes of this problem? In your country, does it have the same problem?

#countries #rubbish #people #country
Shopping
Correct article usage
The shopping
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 habits of people are increasing difficulties for the authorities to handle garbage.
This
 is a
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
issue
 and most
of
Change preposition
apply
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countries of the world are facing
this
issue
. There are many factors that
attritbute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to
this
problem
 which will be explored
further
 in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the rubbish generated
due to
 increased buying and the disposal of the product packaging is the biggest
issue
 after that. To exemplify,
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of
plastic
 bags is at its peak in many nations because of
its
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the
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 ease
to
Change preposition
of
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 use and durability of the bags made of
plastic
.
However
, it creates
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 when it is thrown and not recycled.
Besides
this
,
plastic
also
 cannot be degenerated or converted into something else. Not
even
Rephrase
only
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this
 is
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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 but
also
 its disposal into oceans causes trouble for marine organisms. So,
plastic
 waste cannot be resolved easily. It has to be researched a lot and its alternatives
needs
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need
show examples
 to be introduced that are eco-friendly.
Moreover
, in my country,
situation
Add an article
the situation
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 is the same as it is in the whole world. City municipalities try to handle
this
problem
 diligently. They have created norms for houses and
stringents
Correct your spelling
stringent
astringents
 rules need to be followed to ensure that garbage is disposed of properly.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, there are many incidents where people use
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 bins to throw organic waste or non-recyclable waste.
For example
, throwing
plastic
 bags in the green bin causes
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for the workers who utilize it for making manure.
Therefore
, a plethora of awareness campaigns are introduced by the authorities.
In
addition
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addition,
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 strict penalties are imposed for not following the rules. In conclusion, it is crucial to make shopping more
environmental
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environmentally
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 friendly and product packaging should be reused. Ergo, there is a need to take action on personal
as well as
 community
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, explaining the causes of the garbage problem and relating it to your own country. However, your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Try to elaborate a bit more on each point you make to ensure your argument is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, which is good! However, try to link your ideas more clearly. Using more cohesive devices and ensuring that your paragraphs transition smoothly will improve your overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have provided an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the prompt, showing a good understanding of the task.
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