IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather then sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A significant number of individuals presume that the superior strategy for learning is to tutor their offspring,
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they believe that study-at-home alternative approaches are more productive rather than
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, recent research has shown that studying at home is a positive
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 trend, and social skills are the most important for children. I shall draw upon a number of studies in cognitive science,that have
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 provided insight into the impact of area on study.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, self-educating plays an absolutely critical role in the control of form course plus every person are creative so if students study alone they will improve their specific skills.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a substantial number of prior sciences were taught alone, as Newton so tutor has become an indispensable part of improving science. Social skills would be far more beneficial for
future
Correct article usage
the future

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of children and help them to make good decisions.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

secondly
Capitalize word
Secondly

The word secondly should be capitalized in this context.

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,
self education
Add a hyphen
self-education

It appears that self education is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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the
Add a missing verb
is the

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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 optimal approach to increase
focucing
Correct your spelling
focusing

If you don’t want focucing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 one student. Despite the moral quagmire detailed above, the benefits of learning at
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 run away from home
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 because of its high quality in both academic and social life. The extensive use of tutors has led to significant damage to pupils.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in life, many students run into the major difficulty that they need to be adept in control . By way of conclusion, Taking everything into account, it should be acknowledged that both learning methods have their advantages, depending on finances and the point of view of individuals. I still believe that studying at
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is the best way to gain knowledge.

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task achievement
Your essay contains relevant points but there are areas where clearer examples and explanations could strengthen your argument. Consider adding specific and detailed examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that they are connected logically. Transitional phrases could be more effectively used to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward expressions that make the essay difficult to read in some places. Polishing the grammar and improving sentence structures will enhance readability and convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your essay well.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both the benefits and drawbacks of home education and school education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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