IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students.

The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students.
The below bar charts and table illustrate the proportion of preferred foods and common health conditions of two different groups A and
B
Use synonyms
. From the bar
charts
Add a comma
charts,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in
group
Use synonyms
 A the use of
food
Use synonyms
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
content
Use synonyms
 and cereals contributes
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant proportion of the consumed
food
Use synonyms
 just over three fifths,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 the consumption of
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
responsible
Add a missing verb
is responsible
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half
Change preposition
for half
show examples
 of the
overall
Linking Words
 diet. In
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 the consumption of the healthiest foods
such
Linking Words
 as fish, fruit, and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 are equal with
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
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 of 5,
while
Linking Words
 cereals and
food
Use synonyms
 with a high fat
content
Use synonyms
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant proportion
85
Change preposition
of 85
show examples
%. In
group
Use synonyms
 A the same trend was followed, as fish,
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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, and fruit
captures
Change the verb form
capture
show examples
 nearly a third of all
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
, respectively 35%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
content
Use synonyms
 and cereals account for more than half of
overall
Linking Words
 used
food
Use synonyms
 65%. The
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 with
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
content
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the health condition of
Use synonyms
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
B
Use synonyms
, so the illnesses in the past year for
Group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 2 times higher than
Group
Use synonyms
 A and the attendance of
Use synonyms
group
Capitalize word
Group
show examples
 A comprised 90%. (Samir Nabiyev)

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words b, group, food, content with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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