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Band 5

Some people say the government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayer's money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #health #care #first #priorities #taxpayer #money
Many individuals
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their physical and mental
health
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. Arguably, some dwellers believe that governments are supposed to take
health
care
 as the
first
priorities
Fix the agreement mistake
priority
show examples
,
while
 others disagree with that. From my
persepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
although
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 ought to support residents'
health
care
, I do not consider it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most important one. To commence, some
people
 insist that it will enhance the standard of individuals'
health
 condition by
governs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
making it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
first
 consideration. Citizens, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
, are indispensable to spend a vast portion of their disposable income
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
care
. Meanwhile,
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some situations, poor
people
have no
Rephrase
do not have
show examples
 enough willingness to spend money on
health
care
 rather than purchasing necessary foods.
However
, If
this
 part of hospital consumption can be deducted or
reducted
Correct your spelling
reduced
show examples
,
people
 may get rid of refusing to visit doctors.
Consequently
, they are more likely to cure
undepicable
Correct your spelling
despicable
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
cancer in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 early stage.
By contrast
, others think there are other aspects related to more groups of
people
 where the tax should be used
first
.
First
 of all, governments ought to
imporve
Correct your spelling
improve
 the public facilities which have impacts on more residents than the medical
care
.
For example
, a large portion of
people
 use public transport like
subway
Correct article usage
the subway
show examples
, bus and train as the main way to travel from home to
other place
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
.
Therefore
, they may gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better satisfaction with the same financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those facilities, compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
care
.
Furthermore
, education should
also
 be taken into the list. The main reason is that the number of students in schools far
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
show examples
 in hospitals, which means the financial shortage
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more remarkable
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
campus
Add an article
the campus
show examples
. Apart from that, the country will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 more benefits by funding education,
due to
 the productivity of educated
people
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 higher. Based on that, the value of investing
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 is higher than
health
care
. In my opinion, it may yield some benefits for
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 physical and mental situation by providing
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 in
health
care
, but public equipment and
edcation
Correct your spelling
education
 are more significant
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 should be supported
first
.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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task response
Strive to support your arguments with more specific and relevant examples. For instance, referencing real-world health care systems or educational models could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help enhance the overall flow and coherence of your essay.
task response
Work on providing a clearer and more comprehensive response. Make sure that each argument is fully developed and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points.
task response
Your essay covers both perspectives of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the discussion points.
coherence cohesion
You have presented logical and structured arguments, each supported by reasons and examples, which contributes to the overall coherence of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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