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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the average carbon emissions per person in four countries between 1967 and 2007

The graph shows the average carbon emissions per person in four countries between 1967 and 2007
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The supplied line graph illustrates how much carbon dioxide was produced by each person from 4 countries
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1967 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph appropriates 4 countries with both Sweden and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom with
downtrend
Correct article usage
a downtrend
show examples
while
Linking Words
 two lines
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Portugal and Italy with
uptrend
Add an article
the uptrend
an uptrend
show examples
. As can be seen,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 remarkable change occurred in Sweden from 8.4% in 1967 to approximately 4.5% in 2017;
however
Linking Words
, it reached 10.2% in 1997.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 carbon dioxide in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom was near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10.5%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first year which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined to 8.4%
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. It is clearly shown that
Portugal
Change noun form
Portugal's
show examples
 line
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 1.5% and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 4.5% in 1997,
then
Linking Words
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
steadily passed until the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Similarly
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,
Production
Correct article usage
the Production
show examples
 of CO2 in Italy experienced the same pattern.
In other words
Linking Words
, it was 4.1% in 1997 and increased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 8% in 1997,
then
Linking Words
 it steadily passed until 2007.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • per capita
  • environmental impact
  • trend analysis
  • industrialization
  • energy consumption
  • greenhouse gases
  • sustainable development
  • emission reduction
  • technological innovation
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • economic growth
  • climate change
  • environmental policy
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