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Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad

#television
Many people claim that watching television is negative for
children
 more than playing outside with kids of the same age. Despite the fact that it has a lot of factors more than spending
time
 on TV actually, I believe sitting in front of a box for a long
time
 will lead to an unhealthy for young.
To begin
 with, numerous societies are concerned with a group of
children
 who always watch TV are there any portable gadgets
such
 as mobile phones, tablets, and computers that will have a good effect on health and maybe their habits?
Furthermore
, several doctors, academics, and experts regarding
children
 said that it has large reasons for forcing young to be like that but the issue is that parents'
children
 spend various of
time
 doing things without parental supervision.
However
, if they spend a suitable hour it can have a great effect on them great quantities of young can learn different languages from cartoons that they watch.
Otherwise
, even if it has some positive effects but leaves them with technology that can not interact with people it definitely has negative effects. It can make kids not have the communication skills that the ordinary public should have. If a child does not go out to play with
children
 of the same age or do activities with the family so may make it difficult for
children
 to live in society because they may behave differently from other
children
.
To sum up
, leaving young with technology has the biggest negative effects in several ways if a parent just consults or
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 limited
time
 for them to watch and do other activities with their child it will have a better effect than.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly mention your main argument and outline the points you will discuss. This helps the reader understand what to expect and provides a stronger structure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Develop your points more deeply with specific examples and concrete details. This helps strengthen your arguments and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You make some good points about the potential negative impacts of excessive television watching on children's health and social skills.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure comprising an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've showcased a balanced view by mentioning both the positive and negative aspects of television watching for children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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