IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #difference #environment
Opinions are divided on whether individuals can only protect the surrounding
habitat
.
This
 writer totally believes that
although
 the budget spent on
this
 aspect is prohibitively expensive and seems to be ineffective, the human impact can more or less change the current status of nature. There is no doubt that the amount of money which has been spent enhancing the quality of the
environment
 gradually increased in recent years.
This
 is a result of the exorbitant costs of up-to-date machines
as well as
 the corruption of the local authorities.
For instance
, in Vietnam, there has been a large amount of investment in preventing floods in some towns in the Central region;
however
,
due to
 the expensive prices of equipment and
also
 the
apathetic
Replace the word
apathy
show examples
 from individuals involved make the problem worse. For these reasons, many residents, nowadays, do not have any belief in the government to protect the
environment
.
However
,
although
 there is less efficiency in improving the quality of the surrounding
habitat
, people more or less still have a positive impact on dealing with environmental issues. Apparently, unless humans rely on the support of high-tech, there will be some different methods for them to enhance their current status.
For instance
, if the budget spent on using modern devices is exorbitant, they can invest in education
instead
. Teaching the young generation about the effects of pollution
as well as
 damage from the
environment
 seems to be more effective because they can acknowledge the importance of environmental protection and be willing to contribute their energy to some activities involved.
Although
 the money invested in preventing the surrounding
environment
 from being destroyed is extremely expensive
due to
 the high costs of the machine and
also
 the corruption from local authorities, human behaviour still plays a pivotal role in protecting the surroundings through other aspects. As long as it is capable and does not require a large amount of budget, people can meet the requirements in order to improve the current situation of the
habitat
. In conclusion, some individuals think that they cannot develop the quality of the surrounding
habitat
, but they can change the current state through simple activities like investment in education,
for instance
.

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task response
While the essay provides an overall response to the task, it can be improved by ensuring that each point is explicitly linked to the main argument. Try to clearly connect every main point to the central thesis to strengthen the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are clear but sometimes seem a bit disjointed. Use clearer topic sentences and linking phrases to ensure your essay flows better. For instance, phrases such as 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' can help improve the flow.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides some specific examples to support the points, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating the main points and offering a summary of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • eco-friendly
  • collective impact
  • grassroots movements
  • systemic changes
  • sustainable products
  • environmental degradation
  • coordinated actions
  • policy changes
  • environmental-friendly policies
  • advocacy efforts
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