Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The number of individuals testing
alternative
remedies
for their
health
problems
instead
of meeting their
doctor
has been increasing these days.
This
trend is negative which I will consider now.
Firstly
, the effectiveness of
alternative
medicine
like traditional
health
treatment has not been proven. In fact, as traditional
remedies
do not have scientific roots, using them can cause severe problems not only for our
health
but
also
for our mental
health
.
For example
,
while
many local
people
believe saffron can reduce the risk of cancer, research has shown that using a substantial volume of saffron does not have any impact on cancer but it
also
increases our stress level if it is used excessively. Another important reason why using
alternative
medicine
hurts our
health
system is Relying on
alternative
medicine
may delay the diagnosis of serious medical conditions.it is possible
people
using
alternative
remedies
feel relief for the short term but during
this
time disease can progress very soon so that it is not controlled by master doctors.
For instance
, when the coronavirus pandemic happened, many
people
preferred to cure themselves with herbal or home
remedies
instead
of visiting a
doctor
, after a
while
, their disorder was out of control and they lost their lives. In conclusion, from my point of view,
alternative
medicine
does not rote in science, using it can raise the risk of death, so the sooner
people
visit a
doctor
, the sooner the
doctor
diagnoses their disease.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a relevant position with a clear answer to the question. However, there is a need for more depth in the analysis. Try to include more specific examples and elaborate on each point to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a smoother flow between ideas. Some sentences are disconnected or abrupt, disrupting the coherence. Use transition words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay. Ensure each paragraph only covers one main idea and that ideas are clearly introduced and concluded.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant to the topic and help illustrate the main points.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue, which makes the essay's argument strong and straightforward.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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