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Writing Samples
Band 7

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society
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At
this
 current time,
while
 some
people
 believe that violent content in
films
 and computer
games
 has a negative effect on society, others say that they are harmless and help
people
 to relax. In my opinion, these violent scenes have undesirable consequences for young children. On the one hand,
films
 and computer
games
 that contain violence are considered one of the methods of entertainment. Most
people
 need to relax and find pleasure in playing or watching movies that increase adrenaline levels after their work. An eminent example, many students surrounding the world play Resident Evil online together on their weekends, which helps them to get rid of excess energy .
As a result
, what can be said is that violent entertainment is considered
harmles
Correct your spelling
harmless
 since the majority of
people
 have no difficulty distinguishing between fiction and reality.
On the other hand
, Violent video
games
 and
films
 have negative outcomes
such
 as suicide and crime.
In other words
, the crime rate has increased lately with the spread of violent
games
 and
films
.
For instance
, shootings in schools in the United States Of America have been more common these days compared to the past.
Thus
, we can not turn a blind eye to the shocking consequences of violent
games
 for our children’s future. In conclusion, by highlighting the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that
films
 and computer
games
 have both benign and malignant effects on our children and youth.
Moreover
, parents should definitely take care of what their children are watching
due to
 the considerable impact on their mental and psychological health.
Submitted by ahmedteleb500 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic effectively, but there are some areas where further development can enhance clarity. Try to elaborate your points with more specific and varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured, but some transitions between points could be smoother. Work on creating clearer connections between your paragraphs to provide a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You have addressed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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