Some people believe that advertisements targeting children may have negative effects on them, and suggest banning such advertisements as a solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many business strategy managers mentioned children as a potential customer group for their product lines and suggested that creating more advertisement campaigns for
this
sector would generate massive earnings. It is a general consensus that most adults consider that a detrimental risk for their offspring, and widespread banning is the prime remedy for tackling
this
problem from their point. I am convinced that their justifiable stance about manipulation developing children's mindsets and health concerns about these products' advertisements, so I firmly agree with their banning solution. To commence with, many marketing leaders manipulate the undeveloped mindset of juveniles to persuade target consumers of their products.
Firstly
, they are going to use anime and visual cartoons to attract these customers and integrate some useful functions of their commodity.
Secondly
, they only describe minor good features and do not illustrate the comprehensive landscape of these ones, which helps them achieve their target by constructing a partial understanding of youth about commodities based on an adolescent incomplete viewpoint. Many manga producers in Japan,
for instance
, have provided needless exorbitant toy models involving aesthetic anime figures, which adolescents prefer, and might put undue financial stress on their parents from youngster's pestering.
Furthermore
, the gravest worry of adults might be the health concerns of offspring for these advertisement goods. These worries can be seen in increasing the number of youngsters obesity and how frequency of fast-food video advertising on television.
For
this
reason, many graphic multimedia contents were telecasted on time frames, which overlapped with the short break times of youth's animation cartoons.
Consequently
, these contents have been providing their diet food and beverage options for target audiences, and their meal options usually contain plenty of saturated fat and high levels of sugar, which ultimately results in the skyrocketing quantity of youth hospitalized for treatment obesity. To summarize, the exploitation of children's mindsets generates financial pressures for parents, but perhaps the potential risks of these products for health conditions are the main reason why critics advocate prohibiting
such
advertisements.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that transition words and phrases are used more effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the structure of some sentences to avoid awkward phrasing and to ensure that ideas flow more naturally.
task achievement
Though the response is quite comprehensive, further elaboration on key points would strengthen the argument. Providing more specific examples to support each main point can also help.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the issue and provides a well-rounded discussion of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically developed and supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to manga producers in Japan and fast-food advertising.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points and reinforce the writer’s position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • pressure parents
  • unnecessary products
  • childhood obesity
  • highly impressionable
  • materialistic values
  • constant exposure
  • exploit
  • persuasive intent
  • vulnerable to manipulation
  • educate children
  • beneficial
  • impact companies economically
What to do next:
Look at other essays: