Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words

It is believed that products which contain high levels of sugar should cost more in order to start the reduction in consumption since most of these
very
Correct word choice
apply
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products often result in some serious diseases.
This
essay will analyze both outcomes of employing and not employing
such
a change and present my own opinion on
this
issue.
Firstly
, despite the fact that the actual implementation of
this
very idea can lead to positive consequences, some detrimental drawbacks may occur. The increase in prices may entail discontent since individuals can no longer afford their beloved sweets.
For instance
, a recent study showed that
community
Correct article usage
the community
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underestimates the importance of a balanced healthy diet in today's digital age, which is depicted in its readiness to risk lives for pleasure.
On the other hand
, I do not think it is necessary to apply
such
an invention to our modern world. I am a firm believer that people should be aware of possible dangers themselves and only they are responsible for the actions they do and
further
decline in their health. The government is not the one who should take care of grown adults, since it is simply impossible to control each of them. As an example, a person reaches the age of majority at the age of 18 in many countries, but it will make no sense if
population
Add an article
the population
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wants the government to take care of them. In conclusion,
although
many health problems are caused by artificially manufactured food
due to
its abundance of sugar and sweeteners, I truly consider that
this
implementation is not necessary.
Submitted by shermadovs on

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coherence
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between ideas. This will help guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
task
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly. Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points and to support your arguments fully.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The central argument is well-developed, presenting both sides of the issue before establishing a personal stance.
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