Due to the advances in science, it is now possible for people to live 100 old or even longer. While some people think it is a good thing, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#advances #science #people

Thanks to the constant improvement of

science

, now

people

's life span is longer compared to the past. Even though there is a growing debate over

this

topic, in my opinion,

this

is a negative tendency since it will cause a decline in the number of young

people

and lead to a decrease in

countries

' productivity.

Firstly

, the main point of developing

science

and technology is serving

people

and increasing their convenience. Senior citizens of society are the ones who have devoted their

lives

to a particular purpose or job and now deserve to enjoy their

retirements

Fix the agreement mistake

retirement

show examples

by using all the availabilities that

science

offers, including good health.

Hence

, they can savour every moment of the rest of their

lives

by being in a better health condition and mood.

In addition

, older

people

living longer is a clear indication of the impeccable public service and strong

economy

where

people

spend their

lives

in peace.

For example

according to

the statistics, some European

countries

such

as Sweden, Norway and Denmark are renowned for housing

people

who have the longest life spans and strong economies.

On the other hand

, the prevalence of older citizens in society might result in some significant problems that cannot be disregarded. First of all, it can be the prime reason for a decreasing trend in the number of juveniles and younger

people

who are supposed to replace the older population.

Such

a persisting imbalance between these age groups for a long time will result in

countries

having fewer

people

which might encourage officials to devise new demographic policies.

Secondly

this

tendency will

also

indicate itself in the

economy

as the main part of the working employees will be

people

who are approaching their retirement age. Since deficiency of the younger workforce will be the reason for lower productivity in the

economy

For instance

, Germany is now suffering from a lack of potential new workers

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and eagerly attracts them from foreign

countries

To conclude

although

science

can benefit the elderly by providing them with better opportunities that extend their

lives

, in my opinion, it can have a negative effect on both

economy

Correct article usage

the economy

show examples

and the age of the total population.

Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on Sun Aug 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

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task achievement

Ensure every point is thoroughly elaborated with examples or further explanations.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument clearly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear overview and summary of the essay.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

360 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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