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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Due to the advances in science, it is now possible for people to live 100 old or even longer. While some people think it is a good thing, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#advances #science #people
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Thanks to the constant improvement of
science
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, now
people
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's life span is longer compared to the past. Even though there is a growing debate over
this
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 topic, in my opinion,
this
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 is a negative tendency since it will cause a decline in the number of young
people
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 and lead to a decrease in
countries
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' productivity.
Firstly
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, the main point of developing
science
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 and technology is serving
people
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 and increasing their convenience. Senior citizens of society are the ones who have devoted their
lives
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 to a particular purpose or job and now deserve to enjoy their
retirements
Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
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 by using all the availabilities that
science
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 offers, including good health.
Hence
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, they can savour every moment of the rest of their
lives
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 by being in a better health condition and mood.
In addition
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, older
people
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 living longer is a clear indication of the impeccable public service and strong
economy
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 where
people
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 spend their
lives
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 in peace.
For example
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,
according to
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 the statistics, some European
countries
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such
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 as Sweden, Norway and Denmark are renowned for housing
people
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 who have the longest life spans and strong economies.
On the other hand
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, the prevalence of older citizens in society might result in some significant problems that cannot be disregarded. First of all, it can be the prime reason for a decreasing trend in the number of juveniles and younger
people
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 who are supposed to replace the older population.
Such
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 a persisting imbalance between these age groups for a long time will result in
countries
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 having fewer
people
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 which might encourage officials to devise new demographic policies.
Secondly
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,
this
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 tendency will
also
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 indicate itself in the
economy
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 as the main part of the working employees will be
people
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 who are approaching their retirement age. Since deficiency of the younger workforce will be the reason for lower productivity in the
economy
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.
For instance
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, Germany is now suffering from a lack of potential new workers
,
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apply
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 and eagerly attracts them from foreign
countries
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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science
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 can benefit the elderly by providing them with better opportunities that extend their
lives
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, in my opinion, it can have a negative effect on both
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and the age of the total population.
Submitted by Narmin on

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure every point is thoroughly elaborated with examples or further explanations.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear overview and summary of the essay.
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