IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, believe that these problems cannot be solved if individuals do not take actions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #actions
Some citizens insist that it is too hard for them to deal with the environmental
problems
,
while
 others believe that these
problems
 will fail to be addressed if they do not take part
in
Change preposition
apply
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. From my perspective, they should care about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues to some certain
extend
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extent
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. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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, they should live in
a
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an
show examples
 eco-friendly
style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
,
instead
 of ignoring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urgent environmental issues. First of all, modern people can not deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental
problems
 thoroughly because they live in a fast pace of work and life.
This
 kind of lifestyle
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to waste resources
such
 as food and materials.
For instance
, they tend to consume fast food of which the remaining part is usually wasted
due to
 their tight working schedule.
As a result
, they may enhance the burden on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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due to
 wasting
foss
Correct your spelling
fossils
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,
Additionally
,
although
 they want to participate in
volunteers
Wrong verb form
volunteering
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, they have no time and energy.
On the other hand
, they should
coordinary
Correct your spelling
coordinate
 with the government to deal with these
problems
.
For instance
, if the government appeal to recycle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
materials
such
 as plastic bottles and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 energy during
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
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 hot weather, they should positively respond to these policies,
Furthermore
, they should carry on an eco-friendly lifestyle,
For example
, it is important for them to throw poisoned rubbish in the special bin to prevent pollute the soil and save paper during working time. They
also
 should the electric cars if they have enough money. In my opinion,
although
 individuals cannot solve these
problems
 without the government's help, they have
Correct article usage
a responsibilities
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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 to participate in solving these
problems
. It is essential for them to take part in the daily household work toward
eco-friendly
Correct article usage
an eco-friendly
show examples
 lifestyle.
Submitted by shaobo.xu on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, with some ideas mentioned but not elaborated upon extensively. Try to better organize your thoughts and develop each idea more comprehensively.
task achievement
You have provided a response to both views, but your examples lack specificity and detail. Use more precise examples to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure that each of your points is well-supported with details and specifics. This helps in making your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global warming
  • pollution
  • deforestation
  • overwhelming
  • Paris Agreement
  • sustainable practices
  • waste reduction
  • conserving energy
  • market demands
  • awareness campaigns
  • systemic change
  • ripple effect
  • environmental degradation
  • lifestyle choices
  • regulations
  • accountability
What to do next:
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