IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#sales #five #phone #brands #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates data about international
sales
Use synonyms
 of the popular five mobile phone
brands
Use synonyms
 from 2009 to 2013 in the world market by
number
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be easily seen that Samsung and Nokia
Use synonyms
brands
Fix the agreement mistake
brand
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 were top of the list in the given time. In the
beginning
Add a comma
beginning,
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 Nokia's
sales
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 were almost twice time
more
Replace the word
much
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than
Change preposition
as
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 Samsuns's
sales
Use synonyms
 almost 450 and 220 respectively, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 changed
at the end
Linking Words
. It means that Samsung
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brands
Change noun form
brand's
brands'
show examples
 mobile phone
sales
Use synonyms
 significantly increased to 450
number
Use synonyms
 but Nokias' decreased to 250
number
Use synonyms
.It is observed that
apple's
Capitalize word
Apple's
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
remarkablely
Correct your spelling
remarkably
remarkable
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to almost 100
number
Use synonyms
 in 2011 and it was followed by a
noticiable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 growth to 150 in 2013. Unlike
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apple's
sales
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,
preferness
Correct your spelling
the preference
 of LG
brands
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drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 to 80
number
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, The ZTE
brands
Use synonyms
 went up slightly and
regullarly
Correct your spelling
regularly
 between 2009 and 2013
although
Linking Words
 it was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2013.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, brands, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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