In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Most parents teach their

children

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that the

result

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of their work is based on their performance. They hope their

children

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can be successful in the future. I oppose

this

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view with the arguments in the following paragraphs. I strongly believe the learning process is more important than the

result

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. Some people think that anything can be achieved by hard work.

As a

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result

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, many

children

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grow up with high motivation to achieve their dreams. Not only increasing their motivation

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apply

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but

also

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the sense of competitiveness to others. With

this

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fundamental, they can be more independent and not always rely on others.

For example

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, people with

this

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behavior

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behaviour

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get their first job quicker than others.

Besides

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, there are disadvantages to having

this

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kind of teaching. Many

children

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are too focused on the

result

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, not the art of learning. When the

result

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is not as good as their expectations or making mistakes, they get low motivation and are depressed.

Furthermore

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, they lost their vision to get back on track. To illustrate, most adults in Japan have killed themselves when they lost their jobs or can’t achieve their target. In conclusion, the teaching of hard work is good if can give a balance with low expectations. Most parents and schools should give a lesson on the importance of learning from mistakes. Making wrong decisions at a young age will make us stronger and more mature in the future.

As a

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result

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, people will be not fragile if they get bad achievements when they are adults.

vito.naufalSun May 26 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph clearly connects to your main argument to improve logical structure. For example, the relationship between the belief that effort leads to success and its psychological impacts could be more clearly articulated.

Task Achievement

Strengthen your examples by including more specific details and explanations – for instance, explaining why individuals in Japan might feel compelled to take extreme measures.

Task Achievement

Work on maintaining consistency in your point of view. While you express a belief that the learning process is more important, this point could be reinforced and referenced throughout the essay for clarity.

Task Achievement

You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the message being conveyed to children. This shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with clear paragraphs for pros and cons, which helps readability and coherence.

Task Achievement

You've provided relevant examples that support your points, such as the scenario of job-obsessed adults in Japan, which adds credibility to your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

In their advertising business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. what are these problems and how can they be solved?

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Which factors lead to this and what can be the possible impacts on the local film industry ?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?