IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

It’s generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance, music and sport and others are not. However, it’s sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson or musician. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#it’s #people #talents #music #sport #child #sportsperson #musician #points
People
 seem to have contradictory views regarding whether talents can be developed through nurture. I believe that the former point of view is more convincing and applicable in most contexts. Some
people
 advocate that some
people
 hold special
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 from born. In
such
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
, children can fully appreciate the diversity and richness of different cultures
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and can adopt the perspective of the other
part
Correct your spelling
party
show examples
 when encountering problems. Allowing children to think about problems from multiple perspectives can improve creativity. The main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is that I think they are more smart
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and understand many truths earlier.
Such
 in
muusic
Correct your spelling
music
 creation, it is necessary to transform emotion into music, but not everyone’s transformation can be extremely successful, so I believe talent is very important and can’t replaceable. Other
people
 support the idea that any kid can become
Correct article usage
a musian
show examples
musian
Correct your spelling
musician
 and sportsperson through
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
. The main reason is that it exposes us to different opinions and experiences, which
situmlates
Correct your spelling
stimulates
 us to
be learn
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 new things and broaden our horizons. Meanwhile, we may
also
 motivated to challenge existing limits do our physical and mental abilities, and even generate breakthrough innovations and achievements, like sports, after long-term and professional training, we are very likely to reach a
greatly
Change the word
great
show examples
 level. If gifted children are not trained and
forstered
Correct your spelling
fostered
, their talent
ill
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
 not be discovered and will be
no
Change preposition
of no
show examples
 use. In summary, from my viewpoint, both alternatives have some benefits, but in the majority of scenarios, the former is a more desirable option for individuals.
Submitted by cathyielts22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
There is a stronger emphasis on the idea that talent is inherent rather than on the view that it can be developed. Balancing both perspectives more equally would strengthen the response.
task achievement
Some ideas are repeated or not clearly connected to the main topic. Ensure all examples and points directly support the argument being made.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally make the essay difficult to follow. Revising for clarity and grammar would improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences and transitions to improve logical flow. Linking words and phrases can enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion for both points of view, and your conclusion reflects your stance on the matter.
supported main points
You made an effort to support your arguments with reasoning, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate abilities
  • Natural aptitude
  • Nurture
  • Hard work and persistence
  • Training regimen
  • Skill acquisition
  • Cognitive development
  • Motivation
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Systematic practice
  • Neurological changes
  • Mindset
What to do next:
Look at other essays: