Some people prefer working from home while others think working at the office is more effective. Compare these two choice and explain your perferance.

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In
today'a
Correct your spelling
today's
technology
Replace the word
technologically
show examples
advanced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
some people
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
to
work
Use synonyms
from
home
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others consider it is better to
work
Use synonyms
from
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
. Personally, I agree with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
and In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain my point of view. On the one hand, working from
home
Use synonyms
people can spend more
time
Use synonyms
with family members. Especially,
Change preposition
for women
show examples
women
Add the comma(s)
women,
show examples
who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
kids it is more convenient to stay in and look
for
Change preposition
after
show examples
their children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals, who are
commuter
Fix the agreement mistake
commuters
show examples
can save their
time
Use synonyms
and money working from
home
Use synonyms
. Because we lose much
time
Use synonyms
on the way to
work
Use synonyms
and back.
For instance
Linking Words
, I live in
rural
Add an article
a rural
the rural
show examples
area and it takes me 2-3 hours to go to
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if going to
work
Use synonyms
not obligatory person can plan his or her schedule how it is comfortable for him or her. Turning to the other hand,
according to
Linking Words
scientists
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
survey
Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
show examples
, staying for a long
time
Use synonyms
at
home
Use synonyms
can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, during
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
of people suffered
psyclolgically
Correct your spelling
psychological
and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
depression.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working from
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
can make us more sociable. I mean, at
work
Use synonyms
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
can keep in touch and share their skills and support each other. Tu sum up, all mentioned above, working from
home
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
convenient for women who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
kids.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
staying at
home
Use synonyms
can lead to depression.
Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on

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grammar
Try to be consistent with your use of tenses. For instance, in your introduction, you wrote "In today'a technology advanced world some people prefere..." but it should be "In today's technologically advanced world, some people prefer...". Also, avoid small mistakes like "today'a" which should be "today's".
development
Consider providing more relevant examples to support your points. For example, when discussing the convenience for women with children, you could add more details or data to strengthen your argument.
coherence
You have made some good points, but make sure to link your ideas more smoothly. Use more transition phrases like "Firstly", "Additionally", "However" to improve the flow of your essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information. Ensure that it is concise and reinforces your opinion clearly.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument and clearly stated your preference.
vocabulary
You have used some good vocabulary and expressions, such as "convenient", "commuter", "rural area".

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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