IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people prefer working from home while others think working at the office is more effective. Compare these two choice and explain your perferance.

#people #home #office #two #choice #perferance
In
today'a
Correct your spelling
today's
technology
Replace the word
technologically
show examples
 advanced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 some people
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to
work
 from
home
,
while
 others consider it is better to
work
 from
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
. Personally, I agree with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain my point of view. On the one hand, working from
home
 people can spend more
time
 with family members. Especially,
Change preposition
for women
show examples
women
Add the comma(s)
women,
show examples
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 kids it is more convenient to stay in and look
for
Change preposition
after
show examples
 their children.
Moreover
, individuals, who are
commuter
Fix the agreement mistake
commuters
show examples
 can save their
time
 and money working from
home
. Because we lose much
time
 on the way to
work
 and back.
For instance
, I live in
rural
Add an article
a rural
the rural
show examples
 area and it takes me 2-3 hours to go to
work
.
Furthermore
, if going to
work
 not obligatory person can plan his or her schedule how it is comfortable for him or her. Turning to the other hand,
according to
scientists
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
survey
Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
show examples
, staying for a long
time
 at
home
 can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
depression.
For instance
, during
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
 of people suffered
psyclolgically
Correct your spelling
psychological
 and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 depression.
Moreover
, working from
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 can make us more sociable. I mean, at
work
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 can keep in touch and share their skills and support each other. Tu sum up, all mentioned above, working from
home
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 convenient for women who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 kids.
By
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 staying at
home
 can lead to depression.
Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on

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grammar
Try to be consistent with your use of tenses. For instance, in your introduction, you wrote "In today'a technology advanced world some people prefere..." but it should be "In today's technologically advanced world, some people prefer...". Also, avoid small mistakes like "today'a" which should be "today's".
development
Consider providing more relevant examples to support your points. For example, when discussing the convenience for women with children, you could add more details or data to strengthen your argument.
coherence
You have made some good points, but make sure to link your ideas more smoothly. Use more transition phrases like "Firstly", "Additionally", "However" to improve the flow of your essay.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information. Ensure that it is concise and reinforces your opinion clearly.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument and clearly stated your preference.
vocabulary
You have used some good vocabulary and expressions, such as "convenient", "commuter", "rural area".

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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