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Band 3.5

some people say that to get success university education is must but others don't believe so. discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #success #university #education
some
people
 claim that to get success
university
education
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important issue ,
although
 some of them believe that
this
 is not
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 topic. first of all,
it is clear that
university
education
 is essential for
people
 if they want to be educated
people
. on the ground that society does not need to illiterate
people
.
then
 , for
Correct article usage
a high_flying
show examples
high_flying
Correct your spelling
high-flying
career
Add a comma
career,
show examples
 everyone should go to
university
 and gain all of
skills
Add an article
the skills
show examples
 that they must learn
according to
 their fields. to explain
furthure
Correct your spelling
further
, some
jobs
 are available just with academic
education
 to mention some , doctors , teachers , pilots.
Although
 almost most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs
need
Verb problem
require
show examples
 to
university
education
 ,
conversely
 there are many
jobs
don't
Correct pronoun usage
that don't
show examples
 need to
univesity
Correct your spelling
university
education
. since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
these are
jobs
 that
people
 can learn
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with practice. to illustrate ,
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plants , protecting animals or feeding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children. it is my notion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
 has
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role in society . because in modern society
education
 and social place go hand in hand.
Hence
 , I for one , believe that it is essential for
people
. in conclusion , ideas are different and everyone
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 opportunity
for finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 a good job must go to
Correct article usage
a universit
show examples
universit
Correct your spelling
university
.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Give more specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to maintain the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase the introduction to present a clearer and more engaging thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument about the importance of university education for success, which demonstrates a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces and concludes the discussion on the given topic, providing a well-rounded response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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