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Writing Samples /
Band 5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
Due to
 a shortage of hands-on
workers
, many
people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that students should get vocational education
instead
 of going to academic college. I personally agree with
this
 statement, especially considering the vital role in
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 development and its
job
 opportunities. First of all, society needs hands-on
workers
 to function smoothly and develop stably. Specifically, most of our public and private infrastructures require electricians, plumbers, or carpenters to repair, construct, and maintain. As these constructions are crucial to the effective function of businesses and
people
, the role of
people
 taking care of them is
also
 important. By encouraging more students
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 vocational training, we can fill up these critical positions with qualified
workers
. By 2014,
Department
Correct article usage
the Department
show examples
 of Construction in Vietnam
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 increased the minimum wage of hands-on
workers
 and supported the
establishments
Fix the agreement mistake
establishment
show examples
 of
vactional
Correct your spelling
vocational
 schools, thereby ensuring the number of individuals entering
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 working fields every year.
Moreover
, its
job
 opportunities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 worth
to consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
. Unlike other professions
such
 as digital marketing or online administration, where the new graduates struggle to find jobs
revelant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 with their qualifications;
people
 getting
vactional
Correct your spelling
vocational
 education are specifically
oritented
Correct your spelling
oriented
 to specialise
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one
job
 that the businesses require, so that their skills can satisfy all the requirements of businesses, resulting in immediate employment even though they have just graduated. In Germany, it takes about two weeks for a new graduate from vocational
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 getting their first
job
 in their desired
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
. In conclusion, I advocate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the encouragement of getting
vacational
Correct your spelling
vocational
 training, especially considering its critical influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the development of society and its provided
job
 opportunities compared to other fields.
Submitted by anhtailongkhanh on

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grammar
Ensure to check for spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "many people says" should be "many people say," "vactional" should be "vocational," and "revelant" should be "relevant").
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more specific examples and data to enhance credibility.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices. This will make your essay easier to follow.
introduction
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint, which is good for setting up the discussion.
task response
You provided relevant examples from Vietnam and Germany to support your argument, which helps in illustrating your points.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, providing a strong closing to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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