IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people ar eliving much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 stated that
people
Use synonyms
's lifespan is getting longer,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 age of retirement should be substantially raised.
This
Linking Words
 author
disgarees
Correct your spelling
disagrees
disagree
 with the statement because
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 more resting
time
Use synonyms
 for their pastimes and fundamentally their children and family, not only that, but
also
Linking Words
 to avoid sickness in workplaces to extend their own life expectancy. Raising
people
Use synonyms
's retirement age can be considered to take away
people
Use synonyms
's living
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because it can bring about disease when working in unsuitable conditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be the reason for
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
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, which can be a major factor affecting worker's life expectancy.
For instance
Linking Words
, scientists have reported that there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 an increasingly
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
of
Change preposition
apply
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early death for
Asian's
Change noun form
Asian
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 elderly when they
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffer
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of health problems during their work. It is vital to understand that every
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
time
Use synonyms
looking
Change the verb form
to look
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 after and
visist
Correct your spelling
visit
 their children and family, especially the older ones. By way of explanation, positive emotions play a crucial role in extending lifespan.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, positive emotions are mostly expressed when they gather with their family.
For example
Linking Words
, gathering with family
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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people
Use synonyms
's mood with joyce and love that helps to extend their lifespan. Taking everything into consideration,
this
Linking Words
 author
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
 with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
 in light of concerns about
Correct article usage
the lost
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lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
show examples
 which puts
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 themselves under
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 possibly
will affect
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 their life expectancy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, resting
time
Use synonyms
 is
Correct your spelling
necessary
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to have
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
gathering
Change the verb form
to gather
show examples
 with family and kids to gain joyce in order to live longer
happily
Correct word choice
and happily
show examples

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task achievement
Ensure accurate grammar and spelling throughout the essay. This will help make your argument clearer and more compelling. For example, 'disgarees' should be 'disagrees', 'elderly needs' should be 'the elderly need', and 'noticable' should be 'noticeable'.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more relevant and specific examples. This will help illustrate your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs with more transitional phrases. This would help the readers follow your argument more smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'in addition', 'furthermore', or 'on the other hand' when appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger introduction that clearly states your stance and previews the main points you will discuss. This sets a clear roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the essay's stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout, ensuring that the discussion remains relevant.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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