It has been suggested that primary school children should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals. To what extent the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

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It is thought by some people that teaching primary school children about plants and pets brings a lot of benefits to them

while

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others do not

Correct article usage

apply

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advocate

this

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idea. In

this

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essay, both

positive

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the positive

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and negative effects of

this

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matter will be outlined before reaching my conclusion.

To begin

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with, there are several advantages of allowing students to learn about how to grow vegetables and keep animals, and one of the most significant is being humanity. To elaborate

further

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, younger adolescents will understand how to take care of something or someone with love.

Moreover

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, they will grasp a sense of sympathy which is fading out of our society in

this

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contemporary time.

For example

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, my aunt

buy

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buys

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a puppy for her child because she wants him to gain experience in how to look after someone with care and love.

Moreover

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, she wants him to learn and understand sympathy, what the puppy feels or needs, and apply it to his real life.

On the other hand

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, it is undeniable that there are numerous disadvantages to the younger generations and the most crucial one is obsession. What

this

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means is it will affect their academic studies if they only focus on those things.

Furthermore

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, they will lack socialising and interpersonal skills which are

also

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important to their lives.

For instance

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, my best friend and I always studied and reviewed the lessons together after the day was off. But after he bought a new kitten, he always went straight back to his home and played with his pet which in turn his scores on the exam fell down and our relationship

further

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widened.

Overall

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, putting courses

such

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as growing vegetables and keeping animals

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show examples

primary school's curriculum can offer both benefits and downsides to students. From my point of view, I suppose the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because these lessons provide children with a sense of being human

being

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beings

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that we lack these days.

Besides

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, it is essential for their lives when they grow up.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Mon May 27 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. However, it's important to refine your argument structure so that each paragraph describes the points more clearly and concisely.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more sophisticated linking devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. For example, phrases like 'in contrast' or 'consequently' can help to make your ideas flow more smoothly.

task achievement

You provided specific examples to support your points, which is excellent.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all present and well-defined.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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It has been suggested that primary school children should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals. To what extent the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

Unpaid work More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why do young people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities?