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Band 7

"The internet has transformed the way we communicate and interact with each other. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

#internet
I completely and fully agree that the
internet
 has changed the way we interact and communicate with each other.
Nevertheless
, there are some positive and negative impacts to
this
, which I have discussed below.
Firstly
, the most helpful method of interacting, which the
internet
 has helped us in, is long-distance communication.
In other words
, one person can talk to someone who is living on the other side of the world.
Thus
, it has become easier to maintain relationships and friendships.
Secondly
, it has become easier for people to get job opportunities as they get interviewed through online meetings with the help of the
Internet
.
As a consequence
, the
overall
 usage of the online net increases, and it helps in decreasing unemployment.
Similarly
, schools and universities are shifting their offline classes immediately to online meetings in case of bad weather conditions or some serious issue.
Consequently
, there are cons to using the net excessively. To clarify, it changes the behaviour of the person as they are constantly on their phone or laptop.
Moreover
, there is not much physical intervention between a group or two people.
This
 leads to some poor communication skills.
In addition
, it
also
 affects the person's mental and physical health as they are continuously straining their eyes and not doing any exercises.
Due to
this
, they get agitated and have mood swings which again immensely affects their personal, school or social life.
For example
, a survey conducted by the University of Oxford stated that the average American has a screen time of 14 hours per day. In conclusion, though the
internet
 has massively shaped and transformed the way people around the world communicate, it has resulted in many pros and cons.
Submitted by ahv on

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, discussing both positive and negative impacts of the internet on communication and interaction. However, a more balanced argument with additional specific examples could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph links logically to the next. Consider using more diverse cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay. This will make your argument even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a good frame for the essay, clearly stating the argument and summarizing the points made.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with detailed explanations and relevant examples, such as the impact on job opportunities and online education.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with appropriate use of paragraphs to separate different points of discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • instantaneous communication
  • social media platforms
  • virtual meetings
  • e-commerce
  • global marketplaces
  • streaming services
  • online gaming
  • content creation
  • remote working
  • cyberbullying
  • internet addiction
  • access to information
  • professional development
  • privacy concerns
  • educational resources
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