IN SOME CITIES PUBLIC PARKS ANF OPEN SPACES ARE BEING CHANGED INTO GARDENS WHERE LOCAL RESIDENTS CAN GROW THEIR OWN FRUIT AND VEGETABLES. DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES?

#cities #parks #anf #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables

It is believed that public parks and open

spaces

need to be replaced by gardens to grow

fruit

and

vegetables

. I believe that the drawbacks of

this

far outweigh the benefits. Admittedly, there are some advantages when more and more fresh

fruit

and

vegetables

are grown on land. One of them is the encouragement of consuming healthy food. When having more places for

fruit

and

vegetables

, residents have more options for each meal.

This

leads to a balanced diet, which effects directly to our health and helps

people

prevent issues

such

as cancer and obesity.

For instance

, Vietnam is one of the most developed countries in agriculture so citizens often buy fresh

fruit

and exercise to have a healthy lifestyle. Despite the benefits mentioned above, I believe that the downsides of the public park replacement are much greater. First of all, it can have an adverse impact on residents’ health. Going to the park is a good way to exercise, which creates more chances for those who want to improve their appearance. If these public parks are demolished,

people

will become more and more inactive and have sedentary lifestyles.

Besides

, citizens

also

do not have a place to unwind after a whole day of studying. Another explanation is that replacing these open

spaces

has a negative impact on business. These areas have development plans for the future, so

this

action makes the situation worse. Enterprises do not improve their finance, and they have to suffer from financial burdens.

Besides

, citizens do not have enough

spaces

to live which contribute to overpopulation.

For example

, Ho Chi Minh City has various open

spaces

which help

people

improve their lives. If these areas are replaced,

people

will have trouble making a living

as well as

a shortage of accommodation. In conclusion,

although

using land for growing fresh

fruit

and

vegetables

brings us some benefits, I am deeply convinced that

this

action does more harm than good in our daily life because of the above-mentioned reasons.

Mon May 27 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that each main point is equally developed to create a balanced response. While you have discussed multiple points, some areas, such as the negative impacts on business and overpopulation, could be expanded further with more specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Strive for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay. You could use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

Clarify and refine your examples. Make sure they directly support the main points you are making. For instance, the impact on businesses and overpopulation could be explained in more depth to illustrate the arguments more convincingly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion were clear and well-structured. You effectively stated your position and reiterated your main points at the end.

task achievement

You provided a balanced perspective by acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of converting public parks into gardens, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

332 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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IN SOME CITIES PUBLIC PARKS ANF OPEN SPACES ARE BEING CHANGED INTO GARDENS WHERE LOCAL RESIDENTS CAN GROW THEIR OWN FRUIT AND VEGETABLES. DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people say that parents should spend time on reading or telling stories to children, while others think parents no longer have to do this because there are other sources for stories such as books, TV, and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?

Some people feel that it is better to live in the city while others believe that life better in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+