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Band 4.5

Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian, because we do not need to eat meat to stay healthy. To what do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat
The reason why all people should be vegetarian is that
meat
 is not
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 type of food
to
Change preposition
for to
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 people stay healthy.
Although
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of too much
meat
 can cause some extremely serious diseases, I believe that
meat
 provides
Correct article usage
the huma
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huma
Correct your spelling
human
 body with many vitamins and other significant elements. Studies show that consumption too much
meat
 can cause heart
diseases
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disease
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 and
diabet
Correct your spelling
diabetes
. The main reason is that
meat
 has too much fat which could increase the
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 in the blood.
Moreover
, eating unfit
meat
 affects the digestion process and can cause overweight.
For example
, vegetarians who do not eat
meat
 have a lower risk of heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 than others.
According to
 statistics, vegetarians live longer than others who consume
meat
products
.
Therefore
, if someone has a healthy diet, he should not consume any
products
 of
meat
.
On the other hand
, the
meat
 provides human body with many
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 elements
such
 as vitamins, iron, nutrients and so on.
In addition
,
meat
 is a great source of protein which can improve muscle growth and
maintance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
.
Besides
, fatty acids in
meat
 are essential to improve mental health and treat depression. On top of
this
, regular consumption of
meat
 helps to tackle
sleeplessnes
Correct your spelling
sleeplessness
issue
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issues
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 because of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 high amount of iron. From
statistical
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a statistical
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 perspective, in the USA, vegetarians always have a headache and brain problems because of not eating
meat
products
.
Thus
, the
products
 of
meat
 are important for human health. In
conculation
Correct your spelling
conclusion
consultation
, despite
of
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apply
show examples
some negative effects
for
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on
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 health,
meat
 is recommended
people
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for people
show examples
 to eat
in
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on
show examples
 a daily basis. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 other types of food do not have some exact elements which
meat
 provides.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The essay should more clearly address the central idea in the introduction and conclusion, establishing a stronger stance from the outset.
supported main points
Ensure that main points are fully supported with specific, relevant examples and evidence. General statements can weaken your argument.
logical structure
Try to use a more varied transition phrases and clear topic sentences to enhance the logical flow and connectivity of points across the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, creating a well-rounded essay.
complete response
The essay generally stays on topic and addresses both sides of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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