The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia

The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows attendance of people in different ages in music events in Australia
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Contained in the figures is information pertaining to people who had different ages joining three types of
music
Use synonyms
events in 2006 in Australia Generally speaking, almost all people
in
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
15 to 44 who loved
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popular
music
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had the highest proportion of all types.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classical
music
Use synonyms
wasn’t popular so it had the lowest data at
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
15 to 54 Beginning with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popular
music
Use synonyms
which was a
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
type of people at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, adult and middle
age
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
this
Linking Words
had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
, at 38%, 27% and 33% respectively. But it wasn’t the trend at 45 to 54 so
this
Linking Words
figure which just had 13% having the second highest position. Even it had lowest the figure at
age
Use synonyms
55 plus, at 5% Moving onto the opera which had been favorited by residents
at
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
45 to 55 plus having the highest and same proportion at 15%.
However
Linking Words
, at
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other ages
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, it remained the second highest location, at 13%,14% and 25% respectively. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classical
music
Use synonyms
which had the lowest figure
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
15 to 54, it
around
Add a missing verb
was around
show examples
8% to 11%.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it had the data which was quite, at 55 years old plus, at 8%

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attendance patterns
  • age demographics
  • teenagers
  • young adults
  • middle-aged individuals
  • senior citizens
  • varies
  • preferences
  • interpret
  • type of music events
  • concerts
  • festivals
  • classical music events
  • insightful
  • popular
  • cultural influences
  • social trends
  • lifestyle choices
  • affect
  • rates
  • economic factors
  • accessibility
  • cost of tickets
  • income levels
  • comparison
  • recreational activities
  • forms of entertainment
  • noting trends
  • deviations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: