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Band 5.5

in some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables
In many metropolitans, green spaces are turned into public
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
, where residents plant their own trees.
This
 writer believes the advantages of healthy eating and connecting to other
people
 outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 of environmental issues. It must be considered that encouraging
people
 to plant their own fruit can help them break their bad eating habits. It is because they will learn how to value their vegetables, which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 a large amount of time
of caring
Wrong verb form
to care for
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 and
projecting
Replace the word
project
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.
As a result
, they will consume their own fruits as a reward for all the hard work they have put into their garden. For
examples
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example
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, farmers value their crops,
try
Correct word choice
and try
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 to protect and consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 as these trees are the result of their hard work and dedication. Another consideration is public gardening can become an activity to socialize with other
people
. Individuals can find like-minded
people
 and make friends easily.
Consequently
, gardeners are less likely to be alone and suffer from depression as they are surrounded by friends and helpful farmers.
For instance
, when
people
 need assistance, their nearby gardeners will help them. Sometimes, they can take a break and talk about their plants and fruits. Some
people
 think public gardens have the drawback of using chemicals
such
 as fertilizers and pesticides which cause soil pollution.
This
 may be true, but by limiting the use of chemicals and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 them with natural ones,
this
 problem can be solved.
Furthermore
, gardening can help
people
 raise awareness of pollution as they are connected and closer to nature. In conclusion, the benefits of healthy eating and socializing with friends outweigh the
set back
Correct your spelling
setback
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 of pollution. Gardeners are
also
 less likely to suffer from mental illnesses and lead a healthier life.

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task achievement
You have given a full and clear response to the task, and your ideas are overall well-developed and relevant. However, try to provide more specific examples to solidify your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. While the arguments are presented well, clearer transitions will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided compelling arguments for both advantages and disadvantages, offering a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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