IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables
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In the modern era, open spaces and public parks have been removed and replaced with
gardens
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 where individuals can
plant
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 their own
vegetables
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 and
fruit
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.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that having
gardens
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 will encourage consuming healthy and connect
people
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 together outweighing the drawback that
this
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 will harm the
environment
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. The most advantageous factor of having public parks and open spaces changed into
gardens
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 is that it can help
residents
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 encourage
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 can avoid eating unclean
fruit
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 outside the markets and eat fresh
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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 that they grow by themselves without worrying whether the
fruit
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 will have chemicals in it or not. From prior knowledge, normally
people
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 just go outside to the markets, and buy
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 to eat, not usually aware of their origins like where the sellers get it to sell, bring home eat and get poisoned so it is better and healthier to have a garden to
plant
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 own
fruits
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.
Thus
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, having a garden give local
residents
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 fresh
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 to eat is necessary. Connecting
people
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 through community activities must
also
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 be considered. It must be recognised that public
gardens
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 will gather citizens from around that place to
plant
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 their
fruit
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 in one place and
this
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 will help
people
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 communicate with each other to show each other how to
plant
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 if they do not know and share different kinds of
fruits
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 with each other.
As a result
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,
residents
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 get closer together and increase beauty rapport. Thereby, having a good relationship with
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
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 is potential.
However
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, growing
fruits
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 and
vegetables
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 require fertilizers. They believe that using fertilizers will pollute the
environment
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 and
how
Correct word choice
that how
show examples
people
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 take care of
fruits
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 will maybe harm the
environment
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.
This
Linking Words
 may be true but the government can encourage
residents
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 to
plant
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 organic
fruit
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 without using fertilizers and if they do not know how to,
then
Linking Words
 teach them.
Consequently
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, the
environment
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 will not be damaged. In conclusion, the advantages of new
gardens
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 in cities outweigh the disadvantages of toxic the
environment
Use synonyms
.
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task achievement
To enhance your essay, make sure to fully elaborate on topics with specific examples and data, if applicable. This will bolster the persuasiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow your points.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and structure to ensure clarity. Simple errors can sometimes confuse the reader and detract from the overall quality of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present, which provides a clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed and acknowledged a counterpoint to your argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your essay contains multiple relevant points that support your main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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