IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegetables
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In the modern era, open spaces and public parks have been removed and replaced with
gardens
 where individuals can
plant
 their own
vegetables
 and
fruit
.
This
 writer believes that having
gardens
 will encourage consuming healthy and connect
people
 together outweighing the drawback that
this
 will harm the
environment
. The most advantageous factor of having public parks and open spaces changed into
gardens
 is that it can help
residents
 encourage
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
In other words
,
people
 can avoid eating unclean
fruit
 outside the markets and eat fresh
fruit
 and
vegetables
 that they grow by themselves without worrying whether the
fruit
 will have chemicals in it or not. From prior knowledge, normally
people
 just go outside to the markets, and buy
fruits
 and
vegetables
 to eat, not usually aware of their origins like where the sellers get it to sell, bring home eat and get poisoned so it is better and healthier to have a garden to
plant
 own
fruits
.
Thus
, having a garden give local
residents
 fresh
fruits
 and
vegetables
 to eat is necessary. Connecting
people
 through community activities must
also
 be considered. It must be recognised that public
gardens
 will gather citizens from around that place to
plant
 their
fruit
 in one place and
this
 will help
people
 communicate with each other to show each other how to
plant
 if they do not know and share different kinds of
fruits
 with each other.
As a result
,
residents
 get closer together and increase beauty rapport. Thereby, having a good relationship with
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
 is potential.
However
, growing
fruits
 and
vegetables
 require fertilizers. They believe that using fertilizers will pollute the
environment
 and
how
Correct word choice
that how
show examples
people
 take care of
fruits
 will maybe harm the
environment
.
This
 may be true but the government can encourage
residents
 to
plant
 organic
fruit
 without using fertilizers and if they do not know how to,
then
 teach them.
Consequently
, the
environment
 will not be damaged. In conclusion, the advantages of new
gardens
 in cities outweigh the disadvantages of toxic the
environment
.
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task achievement
To enhance your essay, make sure to fully elaborate on topics with specific examples and data, if applicable. This will bolster the persuasiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow your points.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and structure to ensure clarity. Simple errors can sometimes confuse the reader and detract from the overall quality of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present, which provides a clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed and acknowledged a counterpoint to your argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your essay contains multiple relevant points that support your main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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