IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows attendance of people in difference ages in music events in Australia 2006.

The bar chart shows attendance of people in difference ages in music events in Australia 2006.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph gives information about the proportion of
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australians
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 distinct ages attending three types of
music
Use synonyms
 events in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people in three younger groups preferred popular
music
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, classical was the least
flavourable
Correct your spelling
favourable
 king of
music
Use synonyms
. Looking at the graph, it can be seen that people in the youngest
age
Use synonyms
 group favoured well-known songs the most, which took up to 38%, the biggest figure in the chart. In
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34 and 35-44
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, popular songs still had the largest percentage.
While
Linking Words
 in
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-54 and over 55
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 rate
as
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 significantly lower with only 13% and 5% respectively. Turning to the remaining data, it
evidents
Correct your spelling
indicates
 that the rate for opera was relatively the same in five
age
Use synonyms
 groups except for people
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 of 35-44,
this
Linking Words
 percentage is considerably higher
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25%. The percentage of classical
music
Use synonyms
 was the least lovable except for individuals who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 over 55 years old, which was 8%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words music, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: