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the graoh below shows the number of shops that closed and the number od new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

#graoh #shops #od #country
The diagram compares the number of closures and
openinigs
Correct your spelling
openings
opening
shops
 in one country in 2011 from 2018.
Overall
, the open
shops
 in 2011 ranked
first,
however
 over the
years
, it
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a
fiucuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
 widely and by the end, there was a significant decline in 2018.
Also
, the
clousre
Correct your spelling
closure
 at first in the higher figure than least. In the first year in 2011, the figure of openings stood at 8500 and dropped remarkably to reach about 4000 in 2012.
This
 was followed by a marginal growth of 4000 to 6000 in 2014.
However
,
this
 upward trend was suddenly broken and open
shops
 declined to reach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
4000 again in 2015.
After
this
, the openings remained stable over the three
years
,
then
 in 2017 fell slightly to reach about 3000. The figure for closures was
initially
 almost 6000 in 2011.
Then
 there was a
marginl
Correct your spelling
marginal
 decrease in 2012. Afterwards,
this
 was followed by a minimal growth that
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 to highest number 7000 in 2013. During the next two
years
, it saw a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 plummet in closing
shops
. In 2015, it experienced an upward trend until 2016. Over the next three
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the number levelled off at 5000.
Submitted by safehiana on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a basic description of the trends shown in the graph, but it's important to ensure every detail is accurate, consistently clear, and logically connected. Improve your introduction to clearly summarize what the graph shows over the entire period being considered.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure, including distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Strengthen your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
Your essay describes the trends and changes over the years, giving a broad understanding of the closures and openings of shops.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to discuss each year and the given data, with specific reference to some key figures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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