the graoh below shows the number of shops that closed and the number od new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

#graoh #shops #od #country

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The diagram compares the number of closures and

openinigs

Correct your spelling

openings

opening

shops

Use synonyms

in one country in 2011 from 2018.

Overall

Linking Words

, the open

shops

Use synonyms

in 2011 ranked

first,

Linking Words

however

Linking Words

over the

years

Use synonyms

, it

witness

Wrong verb form

witnessed

show examples

fiucuation

Correct your spelling

fluctuation

widely and by the end, there was a significant decline in 2018.

Also

Linking Words

, the

clousre

Correct your spelling

closure

at first in the higher figure than least. In the first year in 2011, the figure of openings stood at 8500 and dropped remarkably to reach about 4000 in 2012.

This

Linking Words

was followed by a marginal growth of 4000 to 6000 in 2014.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

upward trend was suddenly broken and open

shops

Use synonyms

declined to reach

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

4000 again in 2015.

After

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, the openings remained stable over the three

years

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

in 2017 fell slightly to reach about 3000. The figure for closures was

initially

Linking Words

almost 6000 in 2011.

Then

Linking Words

there was a

marginl

Correct your spelling

marginal

decrease in 2012. Afterwards,

this

Linking Words

was followed by a minimal growth that

reach

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

to highest number 7000 in 2013. During the next two

years

Use synonyms

, it saw a

dramatical

Replace the word

dramatic

show examples

plummet in closing

shops

Use synonyms

. In 2015, it experienced an upward trend until 2016. Over the next three

Use synonyms

years

Add a comma

years,

show examples

the number levelled off at 5000.

Submitted by safehiana on Mon May 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay provides a basic description of the trends shown in the graph, but it's important to ensure every detail is accurate, consistently clear, and logically connected. Improve your introduction to clearly summarize what the graph shows over the entire period being considered.

coherence cohesion

Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure, including distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Strengthen your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points discussed.

task achievement

Your essay describes the trends and changes over the years, giving a broad understanding of the closures and openings of shops.

coherence cohesion

You have made an attempt to discuss each year and the given data, with specific reference to some key figures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

195 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Weather advanced education leads to success in these days or not seems to be the subject of public debet. Both aspects of this opinion is of common ideas, however, I would argue that educated individuals are not the only successful people.
5
band
In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?
In modern society, it is clear that there are large number of crimes caused by teenagers. Some people assert that it causes by lack of supervising children by them parents due to they have to spend them time more at a workplacement according to the cost of living, it has skyrocketed. However, the others believe that there are another reasons that create social problems.
7.5
band
Newspapers have immense influence on people why? Is it a positive or negative situation?
Without any doubt, news publications have a significant impact on association because they shape people's attitudes and help the public to be an informed and engaged citizen. While it is argued that this may have some drawbacks, I think there are great benefits due to this enormous effect.
5
band
Some people say history is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In the modern world, various people reckon that history is one of the most significant school subjects. It’s considered a debatable topic. Specifically, this topic even grows more significantly when it comes to school subjects and lessons. However; the others claim that nowadays, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. From my perspective, I concur that, no matter what, all school subjects are important for pupils, especially history.
6
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? ive reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own nowledge or experience.
In certain parts of the world, kids are being told that they can succeed in everything if they put much effort.There are merits and demerits to giving this advice to children.This essay will discuss the positive and negative effects of this message on young people with reasons and examples.

the graoh below shows the number of shops that closed and the number od new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?

Newspapers have immense influence on people why? Is it a positive or negative situation?

Some people say history is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? ive reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own nowledge or experience.