IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Topic 1 : As computers are being used more and more in a, there will soon be no role for the teacher in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years,
due to
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 the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology, the
role
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 of the teacher in the classroom may be replaced by
computers
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. In my opinion,
although
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computers
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 are being used more and more in education, I totally disagree that technology will return to the teacher's place.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous why
computers
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 cannot change the
role
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 of
teachers
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 in the classroom. First of all,
computers
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 do not have the ability to contact offline with
students
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. In education,
teachers
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 not only provide
knowledge
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 but
also
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 educate about morality.
For example
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,
teachers
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 always interact with their
students
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 in order to improve education quality,
however
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,
computers
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 just provide
knowledge
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 without contact.
That is
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 the reason why it is so hard for learners who study with
computers
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 to understand some lessons.
In addition
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, the main reason why I believe that there will not be any
role
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 for
teachers
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 in the class is that The enthusiasm and personal connection that
teachers
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 establish with their
students
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 are qualities that
computers
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 cannot replicate.
Computers
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 will never be capable of offering genuine praise for hard work and constructive suggestions for improvement in the same way
teachers
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 do.
Teachers
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 consistently encourage and support their
students
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 in their pursuit of growth. To sum it up, from my perspective,
although
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computers
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 are very quick and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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, I think only
teachers
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 have the ability to help
students
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 grow up
in
Change preposition
on
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 both sides including
knowledge
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 and morality.
That is
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 the reason why I strongly agree that
teachers
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 play a crucial
role
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 in imparting
knowledge
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 compared to
computers
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.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured, and you've provided a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you should include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples from real-life scenarios can make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that your reasons and examples directly support your thesis statement. This will provide a more cohesive argument. For instance, you might provide examples of situations where teachers' personal interactions have made a significant difference in students' lives.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You can use connecting phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand' to aid the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with minor language errors such as 'computers cannot change the role of teachers' (it should be 'replace the role of teachers'). While these don't significantly detract from your overall message, correcting them would improve clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and clearly states your position on the topic from the beginning.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position. This leaves a strong, final impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically divided into paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument, which makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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