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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Not enough people realise the importance of natural world. What is the reason for people’s lack of awareness? How can people be made more aware?

#people #realise #importance #world #reason #people’s #lack #awareness
The
Correct article usage
Nature
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nature
 embodies the basics of
humans
Change the noun form
human
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 well-being. The natural planet provides
Correct article usage
a genuined
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genuined
Correct your spelling
genuine
 environment to humanity, plants, and animals. Some
people
 ignore the value of
this
world
 but others are aware of its importance. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the unwareness
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unwareness
Correct your spelling
unawareness
awareness
 of
people
 and
also
 give some solutions to make them informed.
To begin
 with,
people
 who do not know the benefits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature
 are
under
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apply
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influenced
of
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by
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 new
thechnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
. Nowadays, individuals trust more to new inventions and the way
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 transform the
world
. The advent of machines,
robot
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robots
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, and
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
 believe that the real environment is based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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artificial infrastructures.
For example
, many
people
 are happier to get a full-option car
instead
 of planting trees.
Furthermore
, the media
also
 contribute to misleading their audience about the natural
world
. On television, they do not emphasize
on
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apply
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the greatness of natural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.
People
 grew up with the wrong image of the real life. they are always bombarded with advertisements
of
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from
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 companies which show
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new products.
On the other hand
, some solutions exist to make more
inhabitans
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
 aware of the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
.
Governements
Correct your spelling
Governments
 must encourage the media to emphasize their communication on the positive aspects of the natural
world
.
For instance
, showing the role of
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
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 and animals in the ecosystem can deeply impact
people
.
In addition
, They can
also
 reveal the reverberations of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
's destruction if humanity
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not take care. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climage
Correct your spelling
climate
 change leading to
flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
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, global warming,
drought
Correct word choice
and drought
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 are the signs of the consequences of bad conditions
of
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in
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natural
Add an article
the natural
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world
.
To sum up
, some
people
 ignore the advantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature
 because of the media's influence but they can
also
 be
eduacted
Correct your spelling
educated
to
Change preposition
about
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 the value of saving the environment.
Submitted by ibamba88 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task. The current essay somewhat addresses the topic but lacks depth in reasoning and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by clearly outlining the main points in each paragraph. For instance, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and credible.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varied and appropriate use of cohesive devices (like 'moreover', 'however', 'in addition'). While the essay uses some, more variety would enhance the flow.
general advice
Ensure accurate use of vocabulary and grammar. There are some spelling and grammatical errors that could be improved for clarity and precision.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
task achievement
You have acknowledged both the reasons for lack of awareness and potential solutions, showing a balanced approach to the task.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide explanations and examples, which is good for supporting the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental conservation
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • overwhelming flow of information
  • sensational news topics
  • environmental education
  • media campaigns
  • environmental degradation
  • core curriculum
  • social media influencers
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • community projects
  • hands-on involvement
What to do next:
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