IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?

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There is a trend these days to arrange visits to the countryside.
Although
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 some people opine that they are useful for the local community, I believe, it is not a good development for the native populace
due to
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 a disturbance in their daily routine.
Moreover
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, it has detrimental effects on the climate
due to
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 increased waste production. On the one hand, the organized tour to a village creates problems for the villagers by interfering in their community life.Many native members are not accustomed to interacting with the strangers in their neighbourhood.
For instance
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, when tourists come to see my parents' town on the Tilla Ranges, the local people feel agitated.
This
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 is because, the women over there observe veils, and when they see so many foreigners roaming around their houses, they tend to remain indoors.
As a result
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, many chores remain pending like getting water from the well or grazing the cattle in the fields.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 trips to remote places have an unpleasant effect on the environment.A major drawback is the huge quantity of litter
that is
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 spread throughout the area, where the excursionists travel.
This
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 means that there will be more pollution in those territories, as there are not enough resources available with the local administration for the purpose of cleanliness.
For example
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, whenever, there is a school trip to the Rohtas Forte in Jhelum, the area remains dirty for the next couple of weeks, which spoils the natural beauty of
this
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 historical place. In conclusion, in my opinion, the increasing number of excursions to the countryside is a negative development
due to
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 their adverse consequences including the hindrance faced by locals in the performance of their daily tasks and the environment getting polluted with every single trip.

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task achievement
You have presented a clear argument and concluded appropriately, but there are a few language inaccuracies, such as 'although some people opine that they are useful for the local community.' It would be better to use 'some people believe that these tours are beneficial for the local community.'
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas flow logically and you have used paragraphs well to organize your points, there's a scope for better use of linking words and phrases to improve fluency. For instance, phrases like 'as a consequence,' or 'in contrast,' can enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've effectively supported your points with specific examples (e.g., the Tilla Ranges and Rohtas Forte).
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