Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that poor life conditions and other issues that are related to society are the main causes for
people
to become criminals, however
, I personally believe that people
are born this
way.
On the one
hand, many crimes
happen in poor areas
, and so do rich areas
. In some poor areas
such
as slums
Add a comma
slums,
people
focus on their work and always try to make a better life, and crimes
rarely happen. On the other hand
, in some rich
cities, Correct word choice
apply
take
Los Verb problem
apply
Angles
Correct your spelling
Angeles
for example
, is one
of the richest cities in the world but with one
of the highest crime rate
in the world . So, I think life conditions are not the main factor for individuals to become offenders.
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
However
, I believe that people
that
are born with mental illness are more likely to commit Correct pronoun usage
who
crimes
and become criminals. Evidence of this
can be seen in one
family, some sisters and brothers might become lawyers or doctors while
one
of the siblings might become a criminal. This
leads me to believe that it is not the environment that causes people
to behave badly, some people
are just born this
way because of their personalities, characteristics, or mental illness.
In conclusion, despite some people
claiming that living circumstances are the main reason that causes crimes
, however
the statistics do not support Add a comma
however,
this
way of thinking. If it was
true, there would be no crime in rich places, and crime would only be in poor Correct subject-verb agreement
were
areas
. However
, science does show that mental illness can cause people
to behave antisocial and cause
Verb problem
commit
crimes
, leading me to believe that criminals are born and not the product of the environment.Submitted by cc on
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task achievement
Although some examples are provided, they could be further detailed and more specific to strengthen your argument. Consider including more statistical data or studies to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this main idea. More cohesive devices can be used to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives of the argument and provides a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, making your position clear from the beginning and summarizing your main arguments at the end.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite