Childhood obesity is a crucial issue in Australia, affecting a large number of students. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health and can help combat this problem. This essay will discuss how schools require to monitor student’s eating habits and exercise levels to address overweight children.

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Childhood obesity is a crucial issue in Australia, affecting a large number of

students

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. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health and can help combat

this

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problem.

This

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essay will discuss how schools are required to monitor

students

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’ eating habits and exercise levels to address overweight children. On one hand, formal institutions should monitor what young people eat to promote healthy eating habits. First and foremost, by providing healthy meals and snacks, schools can influence children’s dietary choices which can lead to a number in obesity.

For example

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, educational institutions should provide fresh fruits and vegetables

instead

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of sugary snacks in the lunchroom.

Additionally

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this

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approach is beneficial for

students

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developing better eating habits which can improve their

overall

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health.

As a result

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, it is essential for schools to manage the food choices available to

students

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On the other hand

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, educational facilities should encourage regular physical activity among

students

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during school hours.

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is because by incorporating exercise into the curriculum day,

students

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are more likely to stay active and healthy.

For instance

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, scheduling daily physical education classes and offering extracurricular sports can motivate children to engage in more physical activity.

Furthermore

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, increased physical activity contributes to maintaining a healthy weight and

overall

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fitness.

Consequently

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, the classroom environment

play

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plays

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a vital role in encouraging physical well-being among their peers which can be significantly useful in reducing their health problems. In conclusion, both dietary monitoring and promoting exercise are essential in addressing childhood overweight issues. Formal institutions have an important responsibility to ensure that

students

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have access to healthy diet choices and opportunities for physical activities.

Submitted by caroot on Sun Dec 01 2024

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clarify concepts

Clarify the connection between healthy meals and the reduction of obesity, as the phrase 'which can lead to a number in obesity' is a bit unclear.

grammar

Be careful with phrasing and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to enhance clarity, such as 'The classroom environment play' which should be 'The classroom environment plays'.

paragraph structure

Strengthen the link between paragraphs and ideas by using transition words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.

introduction strength

The essay introduces the topic clearly and swiftly transitions into defining the thesis statement.

strong conclusive ending

The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made and reinforces the main thesis.

use of examples

Examples such as 'providing fresh fruits instead of sugary snacks' and 'scheduling daily physical education classes' provide specificity to the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

“Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

Fossil fuels are essential for producing electricity, powering industry and fuelling transportation. However, one day we will reach a point when all the world’s fossil fuels have been depleted. How can we conserve these resources? What are some alternatives to fossil fuels?

Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.