Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
With the advancement of modern science and technology
smartphones
are the biggest invention of this
era. Using smartphones
makes life easy to communicate near and further
.Most kids spend a lot of time on cell phones
Although
experts believe that using cell phones
Which is for children
are detrimental effect on their lives,I do believe that cellphone has a lot of benefits for individuals and society as well.
Smartphones
are a crucial part of our daily activities. There are many reasons for the increase of using smartphones
.To begin
with,we get all of the updated news by mobile phone.eventually, children
become addicted to using this
technology because they can communicate with their peers and share each other thoughts. Moreover
, when children
spend their time playing different games
is always fascinating. Eventually, they can do online classes by using that technology.Even,smartphones
have so many apps like video games
that are very attractive especially
for adolescents. These Add the comma(s)
, especially
games
provide children
not only entertainment but also
make them experts.As a result
, mobile phones
are very popular for kids.
I believe that mobile phones
have advantages and disadvantages. The main advantage is that using the phone can improve problem-solving skills,teamwork , and communication which are enjoyable activities for kids.In addition
,Playing games
can make children
creative as a result
it provides children
a
sense of accomplishment and boosts self-esteem. Add the preposition
with a
On the other hand
,if teenagers spend a lot of time on smartphones
,they are highly like not cognitively develop
Wrong verb form
developed
as well as
new ideas and experience. As a result
,children
cannot think out of the box,with imagination and creativity.
In conclusion, using smartphones
has both merits and demerits. Parents and teachers should extra care when teenagers use phones
so that they can live peacefully in the world.Submitted by Alma Islam on
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task response
While the main ideas are presented clearly, ensure that your arguments are more comprehensively developed. Avoid making broad statements without sufficient explanation or examples, such as stating that games make children 'experts'. Develop your ideas with more specific details and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Pay more attention to sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar. There are quite a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that sometimes obscure the meaning. For example, 'Using smartphones makes life easy to communicate near and further' is unclear and needs rephrasing.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Although your essay is logically structured, some points jump between ideas without smooth transitions. Consider using linking words and phrases to create a more cohesive flow.
task response
The essay does a good job of addressing both the reasons for increased smartphone use among children and the positive and negative aspects of this trend.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the conclusion provides a summary of the main points discussed, ensuring that the essay is rounded off effectively.
task response
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to present a balanced view, acknowledging both the positive and negative facets of children's smartphone use.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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